live simply, and simply live

Boulder Life

2011-03-07T14:50:00.000-08:00

Don’t worry… I’m still breathing. If I’m honest, at times during this transition I’ve felt like that’s all I’ve been doing. While I’d like to say I moved out to Boulder, found a job, a place to live, and built great relationships right away, I can’t. That’s probably not a shock to anyone seeing as that is simply not how transition works. It’s been a challenge. I’m finally starting to feel settled after a month, but the use of the word settled is relative.

I’m still living with a family from church but they’ve been a huge blessing to me. They’ve welcomed me into their family and made me feel at home. Lisa, the mom, has gotten me plugged into her bible study. In addition, we’ve recently started a tradition of Tuesday game nights.

I’m just starting to develop relationships. It’s been tough to find people I really connect with. I frequently find myself doing the comparison game of the friends in my life back home to the girls I’ve met out here. Let’s be honest, it’s not a fair game to play. As Seth is always quick to remind me, my friends back in Madison have about 3-23 years advantage on them. It’s simply going to take time to develop those kinds of relationships here.

I’m still jobless… kind of. The job hunt has been tough and exhausting. Days on end staring at a computer screen searching will make anyone go crazy. I’ve had a couple prospective jobs that have fallen through for one reason or another. Each time it gets harder as you build up hope only to have it smashed. I have begun substituting with an after school program and will be doing that until I find a job. I have an interview for an athletic training position with an orthopedic clinic. It would be part time in the clinic and part time at a high school. This may be the ideal job for beginning a career in athletic training. After having so many ups and downs during this job hunt, I find myself not wanting to get too excited. I get scared that I’m getting my hopes up only to have them dashed again. I don’t think I’ve quite mastered how to be hopeful and yet not have any expectations. Maybe because that’s not possible.

Through all of this God has been teaching me a lot about patience and trust. Sitting around all day every day job searching you begin to feel useless and like you’re wasting your time. As I’ve gotten more settled and am finding things to do to fill my time that has gotten better. It’s funny how many of the lessons I thought God was teaching me in El Salvador about patience, rest, and value I feel like he is teaching me all over again. I guess I just didn’t quite get it the first time…

It's strange to see your story end...

2011-01-24T16:13:00.000-08:00

It’s a strange night for me. Tomorrow my life of 23 years in Madison will draw to a close. I’ve left home, I’ve traveled, but I’ve always come back. It’s weird to think that this time… I won’t be, at least not to stay. Next time I come to Madison I’ll be the visitor. The streets that I know so well and can navigate with my eyes closed are bound to change. Potholes will be in different places, new stoplights, and more lanes. The trees I climbed as a child may be dead and gone. New buildings will

be built. People will move away. It won’t ever feel quite like the Madison that was my home. It’s strange.

Goodbyes are hard, there’s really no way around it. For so long it’s always been, “See ya!” or “Later!” but on many occasions in the past couple days I have found myself about to say that only to realize… that’s not true. I won’t see you, at least not soon. There’s an awkward pause after every goodbye as if there should be more to follow it up. But there’s not. That’s it. Goodbye.

Tomorrow I’ll be landing in a strange city, surrounded by unfamiliar roads, where very few people know my name. It’s exciting and daunting all at the same time. I’m excited to call a new city my home. To learn the streets, bike paths, fun coffee shops and places to eat. To meet knew people and develop new deep relationships. But all of that will take work and time. So as I begin a new life out in Colorado, please be praying that God would surround me with a strong community that would readily draw me in as own of their own, a place to live where I can truly feel at home, a job tha

t I will both enjoy and be challenged by, and the ability to quickly learn the streets of Boulder so that it would begin to feel like home.

Madison – It’s sad to see your story end.

Boulder – I’m excited to see where your story will take me.

Transitions

2011-01-12T14:43:00.000-08:00

These past few weeks I’ve found myself in the midst of huge transitions. I’ve been in 5 countries, driven halfway across Central America, spent time in 4 different states, and driven halfway across the United States. I’ve stayed at 5 different homes in the last 2 weeks. I’ve met upwards of 50 new people. Many who will likely become a regular part of my life. A new year has begun and I am jobless and homeless.

I’d love to say that it’s been easy, that I’ve been able to sit back and enjoy the ride. That’s simply not the case. I found myself many days spending all day online job searching, contacting people, and not making much progress. It only made me more discouraged. But I couldn’t stop and not feel guilty. It’s like there was a dark cloud of guilt for being jobless and homeless looming over me whenever I was doing anything else. I’m learning to let it go. In the past few days I realized that all this searching wasn’t because I don’t trust God to provide. It was because I feared the opinion of others. Would people think I’m lazy and not searching hard enough? That I should be doing more? Am I irresponsible for traveling and doing other things when I don’t have a job lined up? I realized that the guilt I was experiencing wasn’t true convictions from God. It was tearing me apart inside. Stressing me out. Sucking the joy out of my life. Since then I’ve been forcing myself (and having others hold me accountable) to take time to simply enjoy life as well; to spend some time searching, but not all my time.

I had the opportunity to spend some time in Boulder recently. Despite all the amazing people I met, it was a difficult time for me. Driving in I started to tear up a bit, and even had a few tear filled nights. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel welcomed, I did. It wasn’t that I didn’t like Boulder, I do. It wasn’t that I’m scared of moving even, I’m excited. It was the realization of having to start over. Starting to rebuild my life… from scratch: a job, a home, friends, high school students, soccer, church, everything. I’m confident that God will provide for all my needs, but that doesn’t mean it’ll all be easy. I’ve been in transition a long time and long for deep community. I long to be rooted in a place I can call home. It’s been a long time now since I’ve had that and it’s starting to wear me down. I think the hardest part is realizing that even once I move, it’ll take time to establish a rhythm of life and create deep connections within a community.

I was recently offered a 3-month position at the University of Denver working with the gymnastics team. For many reasons, I decided not to accept this position. Despite this, it’s given me more confidence and hope that I will be able to find a job. I have a few other people I’ve been in touch with about jobs and truly believe that it will come together. But beyond this, I’ve seen the generosity of the Calvary community out in Boulder and their willingness to help me until I can get back up on my feet. It’s a community I’m excited to get to become a part of. As hard as this time has been and will be, I’m excited to be able to look back on it and see exactly how God’s hand was at work and providing for me through it all. I would appreciate prayers during this season of life and thank you for all of you who have helped and continue to help me during this transition. I love you all and am so grateful to have you in my life!

One Last Post This Side of the Border

2010-12-15T15:50:00.000-08:00

Sitting down to write one last blog post while here in El Salvador has proven to be more difficult that I would have expected. Besides the fact that the first time I sat down to write it my vision got all splotchy and was followed by a migraine… it seems that every time I think about what to write my mind goes blank. Maybe it’s because it doesn’t feel real yet. Maybe it’s because there’s so much I could write about. Maybe it’s because there is so much excitement about being home that it’s hard to dwell on the sadness of leaving. But whatever it is, I know I need to overcome it and simply write. So with no plan for what to write, I guess I’ll begin…

This week has been full of goodbyes; goodbyes to my soccer boys and girls, my bible study, other CFCI staff and soon the kids at the community andmy family. It’s sad saying goodbye but what makes it the hardest is the question of, “When are you coming back?” It’s

hard to look them in the face and say I don’t know. But the reality is, I don’t. I know that right now I need to be in CO. Where God takes me after only he knows.

There will be a lot of things and a lot of people that I will miss from here but I think what I’ll miss most, is the ability to go to a community where kids run up to you screaming your name, arms out ready to give you a big hug. The ability to go to a place where it doesn’t matter what you’re wearing, or that your house is made form sheet metal. The ability to play soccer and love on kid, some of whose parents are in gangs. The need here is real. It’s obvious. In your face. There’s no sugarcoating reality because let’s be honest… there’s no sugar to coat it with! But there’s something beautiful about that. It’s something that I’m going to miss.

As I head back to the US I have a lot to look forward to! The next month will be full of friends and family and travel. I can’t wait to spend time with those I haven’t seen in a few months. But I think what I really look forward to is settling into normal life again. Establishing my place somewhere. I’ve been in transition a long time… I’ve poured into many students and kids over the last couple years and then had to leave. I don’t regret it one bit. God did a lot of things in their hearts and mine, but coming and going isn’t easy. I’m ready to invest into a community. Things might change and God may call me somewhere else. If that’s the case I’ll willingly go, but for now…. I’m ready to be a part of a community again. One that desires to grow deeper together in Christ and from that overflow, pour out into the community around us. That’s what gets me excited.

So what’s next? I’m heading out to Boulder, CO. It’s a bit scary to say that, but I know it’s where I need to be right now. Seth and I have been doing the long distance thing for 3 months now. We’ve made it work but it’s had its challenges. Whenever I tell people this they look at me as if I’m crazy. Why would I move somewhere for a guy?! Don’t give up your passions! But the reality is, I’m not. There’s need there too. And there’s lost and hurting students. God has not called me anywhere else right now, and if we’re ever going to know his plan for our future, we simply need to spend more time together. It’s a risk, a scary one at that, but right now, I’ve got nothing to lose. As of right now I have no job and no permanent place to live. The pastor of Calvary has generously offered for me to stay with them until I get things sorted out. So as I head out there in faith, please pray for me. While I’m excited about many things out there, I don’t anticipate it to be an easy move. Pray for community, for a job, a place to live that can truly feel like home, and for Seth and I, for clarity, humility, and grace.

Thank you all so much for supporting me during my time here in El Salvador! It’s hard to believe it’s already drawing to a close. I will continue to post on here from time to time and keep you all updated on my life. While it’s always hard to get started on a blog post, I’ve found it a very rich time of processing and reflection. While most of my posts are simply me rambling about my thoughts and feelings, I hope that you have all been able to gain something from reading it. Thank you! Que Dios te bendiga! (May God bless you!)

A Little Bit About El Salvador

2010-12-14T12:06:00.000-08:00

This is probably long overdue... but a lot of it I've just learned recently.

El Salvador is the smallest and most densely populated country in Central America. Being approximately the same size as the state of New Jersey, it is home to roughly 7.2 million people, with approximately 30% of this population living in the capital city of San Salvador. The average income per household is $2-$6 per day with 42% of the population lives in poverty. Roughly 25% of El Salvador’s population lives in the U.S. These immigrants send $2.5 billion dollars to El Salvador every year.

Gangs in El Salvador

Between 1980 and 1992 El Salvador was in the midst of a civil war between the government, four leftist groups, and a communist group. Approximately 75,000 people were killed in the war. On January 16, 1992 the president of El Salvador and the guerrilla leaders signed Peace Agreements ending the 12-year civil war.

As a result of the civil war, many Salvadorans immigrated to The Pico-Union neighborhood of Los Angeles. Out of this began the now transnational gang, Mara Salvatrucha (MS, MS-13) with original intent of protecting Salvadoran immigrants from other gangs of LA. When these gang members are arrested they are deported back to El Salvador where they recruit more gang members. As a result of this, gangs became a constant threat to the security and peace of civilians. The two most prominent and rival gangs are Mara Salvatrucha and Mara 18.

In September 2010, as a result of gang attacks on buses, the government passed a law making it a criminal offense to be a gang member. In response to this gang uprisings happened throughout gang controlled territory in San Salvador and surrounding areas. One of these cities was Altavista, the location of Christ for the City’s (CFCI) soccer school and the community of Bendición de Dios. During this time sometimes the police and sometimes gangs would issue a “toque de queda” forcing people to stay indoors after 5 pm. If they left their houses they would be at risk of being shot. The soccer school had to shut down and no work could be done in the community. The brother of David, a boy in the soccer school, was shot and killed, and the brother of Adonay was arrested for being out after dark. The government eventually regained control and public displays of gang activity have been much less.

Nonetheless, gangs continue to be a very real threat to the safety and futures of many of the kids we work worth. Some of the kids within the soccer school are the children of gang members, others may even be involved in gang activity themselves. It is the hope of CFCI that the soccer school would provide them with an alternative to life on the streets and speak truth into their lives of an alternate way of life.

Gangs are increasingly more frequently trying to recruit or force children into their gangs. Once in the gang, the kids are often the ones forced to do the killing. The penalty for murder for children is only a few months to a year in a juvenile detention center. Girls are becoming increasingly more involved as well and are frequently sexually exploited. While gang members may not desire the gang lifestyle for their children, they are often forced into it by other members of the gang.

Once in a gang, essentially the only way to leave it is to become a Christian. You cannot have killed anyone from your own gang and you will be forever under surveillance and if you demonstrate anything that could be associated with gang activity (including drugs or alcohol) you will be killed. The respect for Christians is not something that I fully understand but it stems from a respect for the community development work they have done. While they may not understand the gospel, it’s interesting that a gang who has named themselves the “Devil Horns” would understand that the redemption and love of Christ is what the impoverished communities need most.

4 Countries in 4 Days

2010-12-01T22:04:00.000-08:00

So much has happened since my last true update I don’t even know where to begin! I’d love to expand on each of the following experiences but for times sake I’m only going to briefly summarize some of them.

Thanksgiving!!!

The morning of Thanksgiving Elsa and I went to the community and watched Happy Feet with the kids. I couldn’t have asked for a better Thanksgiving morning. Playing with those kids and seeing their smiling faces is enough to make anyone thankful! I haven’t gotten to spend a lot of time in the community but have been able to go a few times and the kids there definitely have a piece of my heart. It’s amazing what a little kid running up to you and saying, “You came!!!” will do to you. It makes me excited to be in a community for a long time and really get to know the kids/youth and watch them grow.

Elsa and I were invited to the Thanksgiving dinner of a couple in our bible study. It was an awesome experience! With the exception of not being with family, it was one of the best Thanksgivings I’ve had! We arrived at the house and walked into the back yard/patio area. It was all ornately decorated for Christmas and the tables on the lawn were candle lit with white tablecloths. Aside from weddings, I’ve never been to such a fancy dinner. The family owns a restaurant/bakery here in San Salvador and the husband is a professional chef! Preceding the dinner we had worship, read a few verses about giving thanks, and had a chance to write down things we are thankful for. It was a great time to spend with friends and our bible study group, which has become like family here. A couple waiters from their restaurant served drinks, one of whom we know from our Tuesday workdays at Florence. The dinner was served as a buffet and included: Turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, corn/egg casserole, apple-sausage stuffing, and a lettuce salad. Dinner was followed by a dessert buffet including: pumpkin pie, pecan pie, crème brulee, mini apple pies, white chocolate chip pumpkin muffins, and pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. If I’ve ever had a hard time choosing a dessert, that was it. I decided it was best not to stress over it and took a little bit of everything. (Ok not quite everything… but close!) It was such a cool experience to see the family go all out to have such a wonderful dinner for friends and family. It couldn’t have been cheap. It made me think of what big celebrations and feast must have been like in the early church.

Nicaragua

Because of the funds I raised over my necessary amount for living expenses, I was able to join Elsa, Jaime, and Josué on a trip to Nicaragua and Costa Rica. We made the 12 hour trek and spent a few days at the base in Nicaragua and had an amazing time. We had a training on hosting short term missions teams (not something super helpful for me now but undoubtedly will be useful in the future for either hosting or leading teams). We were also able to go to a market with lots of handcrafted souvenirs and were given a tour of the city. The people at the base were so welcoming and loving towards us! Elsa and I stayed with a missionary couple (the husband is from the US and met his wife in Costa Rica and they are now doing missions in Nicaragua). They were such a blessing to us. It’s great to be able to share stories with people who understand the cultural dynamics! It was a very refreshing weekend. We then got on the bus and headed to Costa Rica (another 8 hours or so…).

Costa Rica

We arrived on Monday and found out that the CFCI base wasn’t notified of our arrival here until last Thursday… The funny part is that this is normal. We spent yesterday at the base doing planning for STM (short term missions) and hanging out. Today we had the opportunity to go to Carpio, one of the more dangerous areas of San Jose. It was an amazing experience!

The first place we went was to a library where they open it up to students to come and read and they teach English classes. There is a Pilipino missionary from Canada who is a retired teacher who has been leading this area for the past 6 months or so.

We then went to a house or plot of land with a couple buildings that they own. It originally started as an outreach to the young girls in the community when a missionary learned of the sexual abuse that was happening. These girls grow up in one-room homes and therefore witness all that their parents do. Sex becomes a normal thing for them. Churches don’t talk about it because they consider this a sin. Thus all the girls know is what they observe. When men or relatives then approach them and abuse them, they don’t know that it is wrong. The mentality is that they saw their dad touch their mom in a certain way or do things with her, so it must be ok. Kids in this community are being abused beginning at ages 3 and 4 and it’s estimated that about 80% (I think… although I may have heard wrong…) have been abused. The program was set up as a refuge of sorts for the girls. While they currently aren’t allowed to live there, under certain circumstances they may be able to spend a few nights there. The hope is to eventually open it up as a dorm for girls who have dangerous family situations. They receive classes and in addition to the basic subjects they have sex education, English, and a Bible study.

This same program now has a program for boys. The boys have the unique opportunity to learn woodworking during which they are discipled. This is a valuable skill that will then hopefully provide them with a source of income in the future. There is a soccer program for both boys and girls. On Saturdays they have Bible studies in the morning. Many of the boys hang out and play games/sports during the day. This alone helps keep them off the streets and out of trouble.

Following this we went to the kids club that they host. We played games, sang songs, led a bible teaching, and helped with a craft. The kids were adorable and so excited to be there! It was awesome to have the chance to spend some time with them. Meeting these kids and looking them in the eye it makes you wonder what their story is. They each have a story, and chances are most of them are probably pretty remarkable. I wish I could hear each of their stories and write them down. Sometimes I forget how privileged I am to be meeting the very kids that most people only read about. The kids that are often just statistics, often forgotten. Yet with just a simple smile they can brighten your day and speak volumes into your life. I’m really going to miss the kids I’ve met here and in El Salvador but today I was reminded of something… any place I live there will be kids who are in need of the love of Christ. Like I said before, I can’t wait to be in a place where I can truly pour into the same kids for a long period of time. It’s hard to continually develop these relationships and give pieces of your heart to each of the kids you meet and then leave.

I said I was going to keep it short… I didn’t. I could write forever about the things I’ve seen, learned, thought, and felt, but unfortunately… my bed is calling my name. All these things are still just sinking in and will continue to as I process my time here and head back home. One thing is certain, the faces of kids you meet in places like this whether it’s Peru, Honduras, Romania, El Salvador, or Costa Rica, you never forget. Miss you all! I can’t believe my time here is coming to an end already!

Celebrating Radical Love

2010-11-30T14:43:00.005-08:00

I wrote this last year for a newsletter at Blackhawk about Advent Conspiracy. As it's that time of year again, I thought I'd share it again.

From eggnog and Frosty the Snowman to mistletoe and stockings, the Christmas traditions in our culture are endless. My family was no different. Every Thanksgiving weekend we bundled up and headed out to the Christmas tree farm. After incessant bickering, and at least one unhappy child, we cut down our less-than-perfect five-dollar tree. A week later we decorated the tree, with a soft instrumental version of Silent Night playing in the background – my sister and I argued about whose tin foil star was better and should go on top of the tree.

With the star on the tree it was time to get out the nativity set. Our set contained an extra character – our Middle-eastern Jesus had a Scandinavian twin. My parents had gotten so frustrated with the fighting over Jesus that they bought a second. Unfortunately, that caused us to argue over whose Jesus was in the nativity scene on Christmas morning (which, in the excitement of stockings and presents was always forgotten).

Sound familiar? Christmas can become full of traditions that often cause tension and stress. We’ve turned Jesus’ birth into an excuse to buy more stuff to fulfill our own desires rather than an opportunity to celebrate the significance of His coming to earth. Advent is a time of preparation for the Messiah’s coming. Jesus came to give Himself. He came to establish the Kingdom of God, on earth. Should we not do the same?

Last year Blackhawk participate in the Advent Conspiracy, a grassroots movement involving more than 1,000 churches in 17 countries that believe Christmas can still change the world. Advent Conspiracy invites people to celebrate what Gad has done and is doing by spending less, giving more, worshiping fully, and loving all.

When we learned that Americans spend $450 billion on Christmas every year and that the estimated cost to make clean water available to everyone in the world is 10 $billion, my family didn’t hesitate to participate. We took this challenge seriously. While Christmases full of arguing thankfully ended years ago, there was still a different feel in the air last year. Crammed into my sister’s and brother-in-law’s tiny apartment in Los Angeles we opened our gifts, all homemade. We felt incredible love and gratitude that we felt as we opened the gifts, created with hours of energy and thought. Moreover, knowing that the money we didn’t spend on gifts was providing clean water for people who don’t have access to it gave us inexplicable joy. It was a joy that only comes from actually doing what God has called us to do. It’s what Jesus came to earth to start, and we are called to continue until His Second Coming. Last Christmas, my family played a part in establishing the Kingdom of God through his radical love. That’s cause for celebration. In Mike Erre’s book, Jesus of Suburbia, he summarizes this well:

“Jesus came to do away with the meaningless ritual and empty religion of the day and to call people into relationship with Himself. He came to turn us not into religious people but into joyful and holy people, abandoned to Him so as to do His work on earth. He came to turn us into people who know how to love and celebrate.”

So as we begin the Advent season this year, let’s not be controlled by the cultural traditions and demands of an “American Christmas.” Instead, let’s show the world what Christmas is really about as we share and celebrate Christ’s radical love.

Prayer and Thanksgiving

2010-11-24T19:02:00.000-08:00

In honor of Thanksgiving, I decided to take this opportunity to reflect on all that I have to be grateful for. As I began to list all the things I’m thankful for in my head I started to realize that most of what was coming to mind was very self-focused. I’m grateful for my family and friends, my education, my home, the cockroach I just chased under a chair (ok that I could do without). But the point is, while it’s good to be thankful for all of these abundant blessings, I should be giving thanks for the more important things too. I get so caught up in all these little blessings that it’s easy to forget the greatest blessing of all.

Prayer of Thanksgiving (Modeled after Psalm 136)

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.

His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods.

His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the Lord of lords:

His love endures forever.

To the creator of the universe,

His love endures forever.

Who paints the sunsets each night,

His love endures forever.

Who scattered the stars across the sky,

His love endures forever.

And raised the mountains up out of the ocean,

His love endures forever.

To the giver of life and breath,

His love endures forever.

And the sustainer of earth and all that is in it,

His love endures forever.

To him who descended from heaven,

His love endures forever.

And lowered himself taking on human flesh,

His love endures forever.

Who was despised and beaten by men,

His love endures forever.

And rejected by the very ones he came to save,

His love endures forever.

To him who resisted all temptation,

His love endures forever.

And whose name the enemy feared,

His love endures forever.

To him who healed the sick,

His love endures forever.

Who protects the weak,

His love endures forever.

And who delivered the oppressed and needy,

His love endures forever.

To him who bore our shame and guilt,

His love endures forever.

And paid the penalty of the sins of the world,

His love endures forever.

To him who died and was raised, defeating death,

His love endures forever.

To him who brings hope and restoration,

His love endures forever.

To him who welcomes us back into his family,

His love endures forever.

Who never gave up or forgot us,

His love endures forever.

And lifted us up out of our own shame

His love endures forever.

Redeeming us and providing for our ever need.

His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the God of heaven.

His love endures forever.

Praises and Prayer Requests

2010-11-19T15:22:00.001-08:00

Praises!

· A house was donated to CFCI in one of the roughest areas of San Salvador. They will be using it as an office and are dreaming of opening an additional medical clinic and a youth center.

· Jeffer’s grandmother came to know Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior the night of his funeral.

· Another missionary has joined us and will be here for 2 years. He hopes to help head up the new youth programming in the new building.

· Three new local missionaries have joined the team here.

· Our relationship with a local church in Altavista has been greatly strengthened over the past 2 months. They have now fully committed to working with the soccer school and CFCI.

· We had a great day away at the beach to celebrate the 3 year anniversary of CFCI in El Salvador, including those from the church in Altavista that is partnering with us.

· More girls have been getting involved at soccer due to a team from another area deciding to join the soccer school.

· Elsa, two of the other guys on staff, and I will be heading to Nicaragua and Costa Rica to learn more about short term missions, their English program, and other projects they have started.

· The youth of the church that Elsa and I attend has committed to join us for a soccer tournament December 11^th on the island. This could be the beginning of a bigger partnership.

· I’ve had the opportunity to attend 2 conferences be missionary groups that have come here and have been greatly blessed my both!

· I’ve had the opportunity to learn a lot about myself and am continually learning more and more what it means to rely on our heavenly Father and find peace and comfort in him.

Prayer Requests

· HEALTH! After struggling with a stomach bug on and off for a few weeks, I’m now fighting a Salvadorean virus. Pray that I would be returned to full health quickly so that I can be back in action for my last month here and for traveling. (Lately I've been feeling a bit like Kevin did on the way home from the zoo...)

· Pray for safe travels next Friday as Elsa and I head to Nicaragua for a one-day conference and then head the rest of the way to Costa Rica. Pray that I wouldn’t be charged extra (beyond the normal extra amount) for being a US citizen.

· Pray for selflessness and a willingness to serve and meet any needs that may arise.

· Pray that I would have eyes to see, ears to listen, and a heart to receive all that God wants to teach me in the next month.

Mid-Missions Crisis

2010-11-16T10:52:00.000-08:00

Upon my arrival to El Salvador, I was frequently introduced as a “missionary”. While I recognized that this was true, something about it just didn’t feel quite right. That’s a title I’ve always associated with other people. They are people that seem to have everything together and are willing to give everything up to go serve God around the world. They have deeply spiritual conversations with everyone they come in contact with. They are “on-the-clock” 24/7. I, Nikki Lindroth, certainly am not deserving of such a title. But yet, if being a missionary means you’re living off of support and doing ministry, I guess that describes me. Our definition of missions seems to have gotten a bit complicated. What makes a missionary a missionary? What is the mission field? Do you have to be living off support? Do you have to be living abroad? Do you have to have made great sacrifices?

It may seem silly but this very struggle to understand what missions really is, posed a big problem for me while being here. In fact, I struggled so much with it that I endearingly now refer to this time of confusion as my “mid-missions crisis” and it happened exactly halfway through my time in El Salvador. When I came here, I was suddenly a “missionary” and didn’t even know what that mean. Because of how often we throw around the term missions, mission, mission field, and missionary, I had no idea what was expected of me.

I came to El Salvador with a specific “mission”. While I didn’t know details, I new I’d be working with the soccer school, getting the girls program going, and building relationships with them. Anyone who knew me knew that it seemed like a perfect fit! I had an incredible amount of support and was amazed at how easy it was to get the financial help I needed. But what happens when that mission changes, when it’s not what you thought it would be?

So often missions is reduced to going and serving the poor in God’s name. While this is a significant part of what missions can and should look like, it’s not all it is. Sometimes I wonder what it would look like if the people in the places we go to do missions came to the US to do missions. Because the reality is, we find we are often more blessed by those we go to serve than we are a blessing to them. While being here I’ve had the privilege of being on the other side of missions. It’s a perspective that we don’t often get living in the US. It’s the receiving end of missions. I never would have imagined that coming to El Salvador, I would be ministered to by so many other missionaries. Although I still don’t understand what exactly “missions” is or is not, I have a better understanding of what my time here is about. Missions, or not, I know why God sent me. Last Thursday and Friday, Elsa and I had the opportunity to attend a conference for Baptist pastors and church leaders. It was called Timothy and Barnabas International and was presented by Johnny Hunt and fellow Baptist pastors. In addition to talking through these things with many people back home, it was through one of pastor Jerry Gillis’ messages that I was finally able to work through this struggle. Let me take you on the journey…

The LORD bless you
and keep you;

the LORD make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;

the LORD turn his face toward you
and give you peace.

(Numbers 6:24-26)

In the Jewish culture, the face was very significant. You would pray facing Jerusalem, the temple, or the Holy of Holies. It was a sign of respect. They realized that we are wired to be seeing and that when your face is turned towards something it is life giving. Just as kids need to be seen by their parents (“Look at me daddy!!”), so we need to be seen by our heavenly father. At the beginning of this adventure it was easy to feel God’s face shining on me. He provided so abundantly in so many was to bring me here. But once I arrived that began to change…

After about a month and a half of being here, I began to realize that I wasn’t having a difficult time because I was adjusting, but I was having a difficult time because I was inadequate. I didn’t have the resources, support, language, and skills necessary to do my job well. So suddenly, I had 30+ supporters who were supporting me to do something I felt like I was failing to do. I saw how God was using me in other ways, supporting Elsa, the English program, with Elsa’s family, etc., but that wasn’t my “mission” in coming here. That wasn’t the “mission” my supporters had signed up to support me in. I began to struggle feeling like I wasn’t honoring them because I was doing something different with their money. I felt like I was letting people down. I questioned why God would bring me to a place with such a clear mission that I wasn’t able to fulfill. If I’m honest, I wrestled with feelings of abandonment from God. Not total abandonment. My time spent alone with him was as refreshing and rewarding as it usually it. But when it came to ministry, he had been faithful in bringing me here and providing me with everything I needed to get here but then left me to figure out the rest. It felt as if he had said, “I brought you here safely. You know your mission. Ready? Ok… 1…2…3…GO!” And then walked away saying, “I’ll check back in with you in 3 months to debrief. Until then, we can talk about whatever you want and I’m happy to comfort you but let’s just leave that whole ministry thing out of it.”

And in that day I will become angry with them and forsake them; I will hide my face from them, and they will be destroyed. Many disasters and calamities will come on them, and in that day they will ask, ‘Have not these disasters come on us because our God is not with us?’

(Deuteronomy 31:17)

If God was capable of hiding his face from Israel when they messed up, was it possible that He would do the same to me? That as I came here and realized the extent of my own selfishness and pride that he would get fed up and turn his face from me? Was that why I felt alone?

The truth is, I was inadequate. I am inadequate. We are all inadequate. Eve was deceived and Adam rebelled. I am selfish and prideful. We all live in sin. Just like the nation of Israel, we mess up over and over and over. But just as God was faithful in delivering the nation of Israel, he is faithful in delivering us. As he set about his redemption plan for the nation of Israel, he kept us in mind.

He redeemed us in order that the blessing given to Abraham might come to the Gentiles through Christ Jesus, so that by faith we might receive the promise of the Spirit.

(Galatians 3:14)

God turned his face from his own son so that we might receive His indwelling spirit, and his face would always be turned towards us.

God’s face was never turned away from me. I just needed to trust. He hadn’t abandoned me in ministry, but he was allowing me to struggle so that I would learn and grow. He was preparing me and shaping me for future plans he has for me. Having dreamed of an experience like this since I was young, and having felt like it couldn’t have been more perfect, it was a hard to realize that this isn’t IT. This isn’t what God has been preparing me for. In fact, it’s simply another experience to prepare me for something even greater in the future. And once I realized this, it actually brought more comfort, more excitement. I don’t know what it is he’s preparing me for, but I can only assume, given his track record, that it will be amazing.

This was confirmed for me when I approached Jerry after his message. I wanted to thank him for being so real as he shared through tears about a time in which he had felt as though God’s face was turned from him. As I thanked him and shared with him how my experience was similar I also began to tear up. There’s something powerful in meeting someone and talking with someone who has experienced a struggle that you have felt alone in. As he kept talking he shared with me how that time for him, his earlier years of ministry and being a Christ follower, were less about what God is doing through you, and more about what God is doing in you. Although God undoubtedly uses us during this time, it’s really a time of preparation for the future. Hearing him say this gave me the freedom to really accept this as the reality of my time here. Because, although I had accepted that God was using it to teach me, it felt selfish. People had faithfully entrusted their money to me to do ministry here, and now I was struggling with ministry in order to grow. It changed my perspective on my time here but in that change, it turned the focus off of others, and onto myself; a switch that I wasn’t willing to make. However, hearing him say it made it seem ok. It allowed me to simply sit back and enjoy all that God is teaching and will teach me during my time here. To fully appreciate and absorb all that I am experiencing, guilt free. To realize that my supporters, while they are excited about the ministry I’m doing here, are more invested in me. To realize that they are supporting me, not specifically what I’m doing.

So to you I owe a huge thank you! Thank you for investing in me. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to learn and grow and having faith in what God is doing in me and preparing me for! I’m excited to share this journey with you and am excited to one day, share the final destination. (Or at least share the pit stops along the way.)

A Dark Cold Night...

2010-11-09T14:08:00.000-08:00

It’s a cool brisk November evening. As you open the door to your home, the sheet metal feels cold to the touch. You hold the door open for your 5-year-old daughter and 2-year-old son to walk outside ahead of you. As you step out into the community the cool air kisses your cheeks. You glance around; proud of how the new sidewalks and stairs make your community look cleaner. You won’t have to worry about climbing down steep dirt slopes to get to the road but will have nice cement stairs. This will be especially convenient during periods of heavy rain. Your two kids run ahead hand in hand across the open space by the community center that is under construction. You can’t help but smile as you watch them. You follow close behind as they pass the community center. Just as you were about to tell them to be careful, Jeffer, your son lets go of Katy’s hand and runs ahead. Still a little unsteady while walking, as he approaches a big hole left open by the construction workers, he slips and falls. Your stomach drops. He is stopped by the rebar sticking up out of the ground. You grab him and after seeing no blood, begin to run back home, heart pounding. You lay him down on the bed inside and through tears and gasping for breath you try to explain to your husband what happened. You go to pick up your son and notice some blood on his shirt now, as you lift it you notice something poking out of his side were the rebar had pierced him. You run throughout the community searching for somebody who has a car. Finally you arrive at the hospital, but not more than 10 minutes after being there the doctors come to inform you that your son didn’t make it. Completely torn apart by the news of this tragedy you haven’t even given thought to how you’re going to afford a casket, funeral, and burial…

On Friday, November 5^th, this was the experience of a prominent woman in the community of Bendición de Dios where we work with Christ for the City International. I can’t claim to even begin to know the thoughts and feelings that would come with an experience like this. I’m unsure of her faith, but know that during this time, more than any, she needs to know that God is with her and her family. As we heard of this news, Christ for the City moved quickly to surround this family with the support they needed. Enough money was collected to pay for the casket, funeral, and burial. I hadn’t known the family prior to the accident, but had the privilege of being able to go with Elsa to the community the night of the funeral.

Pulling up, we saw the whole community out in front of the community center where the funeral was to take place. As we walked up, Daniel, a little boy in the community looked up at me with big eyes and said, “¡Usted vino!” (You came!) I immediately knew there was a reason for me being there. Not because of anything I would do or say, but just being present said, “You matter, your community matters, you’re not forgotten, you’re not alone.” We continued to the home of the family who had suffered the loss. Wrapping the mother in a deep embrace, in a whisper I assured her of God’s presence with her, “Dios está contigo.” Through tears she cried with uncertainty, “Yo no sé.” Again I assured her, “Sí, está.” Continuing to embrace her she thanked me for being there with her. Stepping outside her house for fresh air, we talked with her and her husband. Quickly joined by other CFCI staff and a local pastor, we continued to encourage them and prayed with them.

The funeral was not what I had anticipated. Maybe it was because of cultural differences. Maybe it was because it was for a 2 year old. Maybe it was the lower economic status, but for whatever reason, there was something different. What struck me most was the strong sense of community combined with a weak sense of communal loss. The whole community was present, wearing their warmest layers, yet still shivering. Many were serving pan dulce y café (sweet bread and coffee). Others were making sure the family had enough to eat and drink. The entire community had come together to surround and serve this family. However, while some friends seemed to be grieving the loss of this little child, that was certainly not the case with most of the community. Children were running around laughing and playing, teenage boys were off to the side playing music on their cell phones, and while most of the community was present for the ceremony, very few tears were shed. Coming from a culture where funerals are for friends and family to grieve alike, this surprised me. Maybe it was that emotions are not shown in public as readily in this culture of toughness. Or maybe in the fight to survive and provide for your family in a place of great need, loss is not felt as strong throughout the community. However, there’s no doubt that this boy was dearly loved and will be greatly missed. His life was short, but certainly had a profound impact on the lives of many in this community.

Prayers for this family would be greatly appreciated. While the initial hit they suffered was great, it was only the beginning of a long time of suffering. Pray for healing, peace, love, comfort, faith, and hope. Pray that God’s glory would be able to shine throughout this community as they feel his grace and abundant blessings in this time. Pray that Satan would have no place here. That all accusations of blame and lies of guilt would be covered and taken away by God’s incredible grace and love.

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted

and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 34:18

November 2nd: Election Day, Day of the Dead.

2010-11-03T14:07:00.000-07:00

(Written yesterday but do to a pounding headache and the need for sleep it was not posted until today.)

Today in the United States it was Election Day. Leading up to today, billions of dollars were spent on campaigns. Weeks of “heated discussions,” more commonly known as arguments, created great rifts between friends and family. These strong stands were made about issues that people would generally care to actually DO little about.

But today all of that was put to an end as everyone made their way to the polls to cast their votes. By filling in circles or completing arrows people have shown their devotion to certain issues; the same issues that may have torn apart relationships. But soon everyone will go back to his or her normal life. The issues that today were worth more than friendships, tomorrow will be of significantly less importance. However, the scars that were created as a result of those arguments will remain. So was it worth it? A few years from now the changes that happened as a result of this election, or maybe not even this election but those arguments that caused a significant amount of pain, will they have been worth it?

Today in El Salvador it was Day of the Dead. Flowers in hand, everyone made their way to the graves of loved ones to beautify the tombs of deceased relatives and to pray. Families go to the cemeteries to grieve together.

It’s interesting to think about these two events happening simultaneously. With the focus in El Salvador today being the death of loved ones and the intimacy of family, it makes these arguments seem more futile than ever before. While issues that people are willing to do little about divide American Christian families, Salvadoran families (regardless of religious affiliation) are binding together to lift up loved ones in prayer. It sheds light on a serious pandemic plaguing American Christianity. We seem to have forgotten what it means to be a family. We have been given the best example of what love of a family should look like through Christ’s love for us, and yet somehow, families in El Salvador, many of which haven’t experienced this great love seem to be doing a better job.

By allowing these issues to cause such divisions, we’re placing a higher value on people’s political beliefs, than on their value in Christ. If this is taking place in the intimate setting of individual families, it’s certainly happening within the larger family of Christ where familial ties are less strong (maybe unjustly so, but less strong nonetheless).

While not completely the same, it’s not all that different from what was happening to the early church in Galatia. Romans, Greeks, and Jews all had different worldviews. It was becoming apparent that Jews saw themselves as superior to all other cultures. Paul, seeing this and recognizing that it is the direct result of a flawed understanding of the gospel addresses the issue in his letter to the Galatians.

So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.

You who are trying to be justified by the law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. For through the Spirit we eagerly await by faith the righteousness for which we hope. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

(Galatians 3:26-29 and 5:4-6)

Paul is essentially saying, according to the gospel, no matter what title has been given to you or you’ve given yourself, if you belong to Christ, you are part of the same family, the family of God. He’s declaring that in order to become a Christian you don’t first have to become Jewish. If salvation is to be found in Christ alone, all other allegiances to ethnicities or devotions to certain sets of laws have no bearing anymore. Paul’s letter to the Galatians serves as a warning against the subtle dangers that can ultimately distort the gospel and divide the church.

If Paul were around today, he might feel it necessary to write a similar letter to the American Church. It might look something like this:

So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Republican nor Democrat, neither conservative nor liberal, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.

You who are trying to be justified by taking a specific political stance have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. For through the Spirit we eagerly await by faith the righteousness for which we hope. For in Christ Jesus political allegiances have no value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

That might be a bold statement, but I believe it’s a needed one. Too often, as Christians in America, we are guilty of placing political beliefs and allegiances above our love and devotion to one another as brothers and sisters in Christ. When we do this we are missing the point of the gospel. What I am not saying is that we shouldn’t take part in the political system, we can’t take political stances, or align ourselves with a certain part. What I am saying is that none of that should supersede who we or our brothers and sisters in Christ are. It should not cause divisions within friendships, families, and the church. So as this election season ends, let’s treat the wounds we have caused or suffered, allow time to heal them, and learn to love despite these differences in opinion that in light of the cross are rendered insignificant.

Your Love

2010-10-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

A couple nights ago I was lying in bed listening to a thunderstorm. I used to love thunderstorms. Still do! Listening to the sound of the rain beating against the roof of your house and watching bolts of lightning lighting up the night sky while curled up under a blanket. It feels safe. But this time was different. As I lay in bed I didn’t have the same secure feeling I did at home. There was something eerily dark about the cracks of thunder and flashes of light. I was curled up in bed; I was dry and safe, what was different? As I thought about this my mind immediately went to the kids that I’ve grown to love here. Maybe the thunderstorm was different this time because I was subconsciously aware of what it meant for some of those kids.

The rain hitting the roof isn’t a soft pitter-patter as it hits shingles, but is a harsh clapping as the rain hits the metal roof. The water pouring off the roof doesn’t run down drainpipes, but runs off the roof, floods the floor as it leaks under the sheet metal walls, and creates a muddy mess. The muffled thunder isn’t simply a reminder of your safe secure home, but a piercing crack that echoes throughout the open air and is followed by shrieking from your baby brother and the neighbor kids that share a wall with you. The lightening isn’t just a show to watch, but a reminder of the power of the storm that if it continues, could destroy your home. Thunderstorms don’t produce a safe secure feeling, but invoke fear as you huddle in a corner with your younger siblings praying for your own safety.

While this is likely not the exact experience of all the kids I’ve met here, it is certainly close for some. But more importantly, it touches on a greater truth that I’ve become more increasingly aware of. What we see as normal is determined by our culture and our surroundings and affects who we are as people.

Within my first week here I knew that there were some BIG differences between the lives these kids have and the one I grew up with. Don’t get me wrong, I knew there were significant differences, I wasn’t completely naïve. But there’s a difference between knowing there’s a difference and really seeing and experiencing it. Here are a couple examples of what I’m talking about.

A couple weeks ago I was at soccer practice. We were scrimmaging when gunshots started to fire nearby. This alone would be strange to anyone from my background, however having been here for two weeks already it wasn’t my first time hearing that. But what really hit me was that no one reacted. Not a flinch, not even a glance up. It’s simply background noise. It’s normal.

Within my first couple weeks here I’ve tried to have conversations with numerous kids at the soccer school. After some of the usual basic questions like what’s your name, how old are you, what’s your favorite color, I’ll usually start asking about family. I started to see a pattern. The conversation would more often than not go like this:

Me: Do you have any siblings?

Kid: Yeah I have 4 brothers.

Me: How old are they?

Kid: 5, 6, 9, and 13.

Me: Do you live with your parents?

Kid: I live with my mom. My dad is in the US.

Me: Oh! Where in the US?

Kid: I don’t know.

While this is sad and slightly shocking itself, what’s more shocking is the nonchalance with which it is said. It’s normal.

These kinds of experiences weren’t unexpected. I knew it was likely I would hear gunshots and I knew I’d run into kids who didn’t know where their fathers were. What was unexpected was the normalcy of it. To these kids these things are normal and it’s affected who they are and are becoming. I’m not going to argue whether that affect will be good or bad, that’s not the point. The point is it’s shaped who they are. And likewise, I was shaped by my surroundings as a kid, surroundings that were very different.

As I thought about this I began to wonder how I am ever supposed to be able to relate to these kids. Not only is there a language barrier, but I can’t even begin to understand what it’s like to experience the things they have. I began to question my ability to have an impact.

I recently heard a song that seemed to have an answer. Part of the song goes like this:

Your love
Your love
The only the thing that matters is Your love
Your love is all I have to give
Your love is enough to light up the darkness
It’s Your love
Your love
all I ever needed is Your love

(Your Love – Brandon Heath)

What I realized is, the only thing that matters is God’s love. I may not be able to relate, but thankfully relating isn’t a prerequisite to loving. God’s love has no language, no culture. What I’m realizing more and more is that His love is all I have to give these kids. And I’m learning to trust that His love is enough to light up the darkness by which they are surrounded.

To be known is to be loved.

2010-10-16T21:06:00.000-07:00

Although I’ve adjusted well to life in El Salvador, there’s still a part of life here that’s not quite right. It wasn’t until tonight that I realized what piece was missing. I’ve gotten to know a good number of people here. There’s certainly no lack of relationships. I’ve gotten to know Elsa very well, her family decently well, the soccer coaches pretty well, relationships with the kids are growing, I’ve met many of Elsa’s friends, and I’ve found a good community in my bible study. It’s not that I don’t have people in my life here. It’s not that I don’t feel valued or accepted here. I know I’m cared for. So what is it? What’s lacking?

It hit me tonight that it’s not because of a lack of people in my life, but rather a lack of depth. People here don’t know me. This is largely do to the fact that it is difficult for me to express myself well in Spanish and partly due to the short time that I have been here. It takes time and effort for that to develop. It’s hard to leave a place you are known to go to a place where most people only know your name and maybe a few other facts about your life. My name is Nikki, I’m 23, from Wisconsin, have an older sister, and graduated last December. But what’s the big deal with being known? Isn’t it kind of selfish to want people to know me? To be “popular”? Maybe, but that’s not the kind of knowing I’m talking about. There’s a distinct difference between that kind of knowing and the way I was known in Madison. People here might know about me, but people in Madison truly knew me. To be known about is to be popular, maybe even famous. But to be known is to be loved.

To be known by someone means they know what you are thinking before you say it. You can communicate with just a glance of the eyes. You don’t have to tell them you want easy ice in your vanilla chai tea latte because they already know. They know how you’re feeling without asking because your face says it all. They can simply look at you and know that you need a hug. They know when to talk, and when to just sit in silence. And it’s through these things, through being known, that we feel most loved. It’s no wonder the people who love us the most are usually the ones who know us the best. It's what makes the love of a family so strong.

This is why we can be in the middle of a huge crowd and still feel alone. It’s why we can interact with people all day and yet be lonely. It’s why I can be in El Salvador, and have tons of great godly people in my life, and still feel lonely. This is the missing piece to life in El Salvador. The people who know me best are over 2,000 miles away. They may want to send me encouragement but they won’t know I need it unless I say it. And even then they can send me an encouraging letter but it won’t get here for 10 days. At best, when schedules align, technology decides to work right and they can see me on skype, they may see I need a hug but all they can do is say they’d give me one if they were here. The truth is it’s simply more difficult to feel love from 2,000 miles away.

It makes me grateful for the love of my creator. A love that knows me completely. A love that is never distanced but always present. For the past month, somewhat unknowingly, I’ve been learning to rest in this love.

¹ O LORD, you have searched me

and you know me.

² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

(Psalm 139)

Snippets of Life in El Salvador

2010-10-13T18:46:00.000-07:00

I apologize for the severe lack of blog posts recently. Life here in El Salvador has begun to pick up pace a bit. I’m finally getting settled into a routine. Lots of things have been keeping us busy here. Here is a brief summary of all the things that have been happening:

Speaking Hope

Elsa is in charge of an English program here in a community that Christ for the City works in called Bendición de Dios. When I was giving my quad a rest I was able to go with her to an English class and meet the girls she teaches. They recently had a bunch of curriculum donated so on Thursdays before our staff meeting when I don’t have soccer I am helping her organize it all. I’ve been creating lesson plans so that when missionaries come to teach English we can hand them a binder with all the information necessary to teach the class. Christ for the City is in the process of trying to promote this more and are asking Elsa to think of a name and create a logo. During a brainstorm session with her on the way back from the meeting I suggested “Speaking Hope.” The goal of the program is two fold: 1) To use English as a means of sharing the gospel and 2) Giving them the a base in English that will give them hope for opportunities in the future they might not otherwise have. She’s really excited about this and we even messed around with a few logo ideas.

Fresh Start Conference

Christ for the City brought a team of missionaries from an organization in Nebraska called Fresh Start to put on a conference for the staff and a few local churches. The focus was on how to discover places in your life where you’ve been hurt and how to go through the entire healing process to be freed from it. It was a very well done conference and was very well received. It’s especially important in a culture where forgiveness and healing are not frequently talked about. We were able to bring about 10 of the soccer boys to attend the conference as well. It was such a cool opportunity for them and awesome to see them actively engaged. I think many of them have great leadership qualities that if asked to step up and lead they would be capable of doing some amazing things!

English Speaking Bible Study

Last Tuesday night Elsa and I went to an English-speaking bible study at her church to check it out. It was such a perfect fit for both Elsa and I. We immediately felt welcomed into the group. We sang a few worship songs in English (which as much as I love worshiping in Spanish it’s nice to do it in English once in a while) and then had a good discussion about suffering and keeping perspective in the midst of it. Everyone was very really and engaged which was awesome. We both felt like this was a place where we can get support and be understood as most people in the group have a connection to or are from the United States. One couple is even thinking about moving to Boulder, CO! That same couple said that I remind them of and older version of their youngest daughter who is 11. We’ve both been looking forward to the group tonight ever since leaving last Tuesday. It’s a huge answer to prayer for both of us! Although Elsa speaks Spanish fluently, it’s easier for her to express herself in English so this is a great group for her where she can really use either. We’ve decided to make Tuesday afternoons our coffee shop day to avoid the evening traffic on the way to bible study. One of the couples in the group owns a chain of coffee shops in San Salvador called “Florence.” This is going to be our Tuesday afternoon hang out.

Coaching Girls Soccer

This has been one of my biggest challenges here. One day right as soccer was starting, Maltez (one of the coaches) approached me asking if I could coach the girls separately. With absolutely no practice plans and no time to come up with a plan I said yes. I managed to come up with drills and games but this wasn’t the hard part. The struggle is to coach in Spanish. How do you teach drills and basic techniques in passing, dribbling, shooting, etc when you don’t know the vocabulary to explain it? This has continued to be a struggle but I manage using my broken Spanish and a lot of demonstrations. There are usually only about 4 girls in the group and sometimes only 2. This also makes it hard. How do you run drills and games with just 3-5 people? Options are limited, and typically less exciting. However, the biggest challenge has been with 2 or 3 of the girls. They simply aren’t interested in learning how to play. They only want to talk with the boys, which is also a distraction for them. While I believe that they genuinely want to play better, they have no interest in doing what it takes to get there. This leads to low energy, sloppy participation in drills, complaining, and choosing to simply stop when they don’t feel like doing something. Yesterday afternoon some of the other coaches started to pick up on it and I had a conversation with Maltez and Chamba afterward. When soccer isn’t the ultimate goal of the program it complicates the decisions to be made. We want the girls there to build relationships with them and pour into them as Christ would, but then there’s the soccer component. The means by which we do this is soccer. Additionally, the distraction for the boys isn’t healthy. If it’s taking away from the impact we can have on the guys it might not be a sacrifice worth making at this point. No decisions have been made but I think we’re going to set higher expectations of the girls and if they can’t meet those they aren’t ready for the soccer program and might be asked to leave. Please pray for guidance and patience in this area!

My First Salvadoran Wedding

Last Friday Elsa took me to a Salvadoran wedding with her. We only went to the reception and aside from the prom-ish dress and latin music, it was actually quite similar to weddings in the US. Unfortunately, in the process of backing I decided to leave my prom dress at home. With my limited wardrobe here (mostly consisting of soccer shorts and t-shirts) it was difficult to find something fancy enough. After being given many nice shirts to try on that would have been quite appropriate for belly dancing (they were pretty short), I decided it would be best to simply go a little more casual. I figured I would stick out enough with my light skin and blue eyes, and complete inability to latin dance, that it wouldn’t be a complete shock that I wasn’t dressed like everyone else. Towards the end of the reception they have what is called a “carnival.” They bring out all sorts of part items like beads, hats, whistles, masks, etc. to hand out to guests. It was a lot of fun and a cool way to and a little spice to the dance.

Beach House and Eliseo Quintanilla

This past Saturday Elsa took me to their beach house. We stopped at a local surf spot for lunch on the beach. After a tasty lunch we walked down the beach a little ways and found a spot to sit. From there Elsa spotted Eliseo Quintanilla a famous Salvadoran soccer player who played for DC United for 4 years and now is back in El Salvador playing for the national team of El Salvador and another national team called Firpo. After telling me a little bit about him (for more info click here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eliseo_Quintanilla) Elsa was determined to get me a picture with him. After gathering up the courage to talk to him we walked over and said hi on our way out. He and his friend (manager?) asked us to sit down and we ended up talking for about an hour. Most of the conversation was centered around the soccer school outreach that I’m working with. Elsa explained all that we’re doing with it and he seemed pretty interested. He offered to have some of the boys come watch a practice of his sometime. While it cut our relaxing time at the beach a bit short, it was a good conversation and a great contact for the future. After the conversation and declining an invitation to go out with him later that night in San Salvador, we headed to the beach house. We spent the night relaxing in hammocks, reading, and watching a movie. The next morning we packed up, had a local get a coconut down from the tree for us to eat and a bunch more to bring back to Elsa’s family, and headed back home.

Praises!

My quad and blisters have healed and I’m back in action at soccer

I’m feeling settled in and finding my niche

I’m beginning to see relationships starting to form a bit more with the youth

Elsa and I found an amazing bible study and community to get involved with

I’m still healthy!

Seth was offered and accepted the job in Boulder!

Pray Requests

Patience and guidance with the girls at soccer

Continued good health

Being able to focus on things here while also thinking about and planning what’s next

Continued safety (especially while driving)

Pictures!!!

2010-10-12T17:43:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone! I've just added a slide show of some of my pictures to my blog. (On the right hand side.) I'll keep adding more pictures as I get them!

Misadventures of the Jocote... Festival?

2010-10-10T17:53:00.000-07:00

Shortly after arriving in El Salvador Elsa shared with me her deep love for jocotes, a fruit that grows in many tropical regions throughout the world. After trying one or two and getting passed the unique texture of the fruit I began to understand her passion for jocotes. They have a flavor that is hard to describe but full of fruity goodness. A while ago, Bea, her stepmom, informed us of a Jocote Festival in the area. It was to take place at Cerro Verde, approximately 30-40 minutes away… or so we were told. We had heard many other things about this festival as well, the diverse presentations of artists such as the National Folklore Ballet (not sure what that means… but would have loved to see it! Any combination of folk and ballet must be amazing!), marimba and andina music, a vast array of typical Salvadoran food, and all sorts of foods and drinks made form jocotes including jocote juice, pie, honey, and ice cream. We had high hopes for what we might find at the jocote festival.

Our adventure began as we arrived at Elsa’s friend’s house where we were informed that the 30-40 minute drive would actually be more like an hour and a half drive. That wasn’t long enough to deter us from experiencing the wondrous jocote festival. We all piled in the car and pulled away from Elsa’s friend’s house in her Jeep Liberty and hit the road. It was smooth sailing until we started driving up the foothills and realized if we didn’t get gas we might not make it back down. Unfortunately this meant going back to the last gas station about 15 minutes behind us. This was just a minor set back. After all, the jocote festival would be well worth it. We filled up and were back on our way. As we climbed higher and higher closer to the park we started seeing many locals selling jocotes along the side of the road. This was a little strange but what was stranger was that all the cars coming down from the festival were stopping to buy jocotes. Had they not gotten enough jocote at the festival? After stopping at a lookout for pictures, we finally pulled up managing to squeeze between the parked cars that lined the street and the people walking every which way and landed a spot just outside the entrance. Couldn’t have been more perfect! We could avoid paying the extra 60 cents for parking.

As we walked up the last band was just finishing their last song. But we were so hungry after the long drive that we didn’t dwell on that for too long. We started looking for food, but unfortunately as we made the rounds to all the tents and stands it seemed as though they were all out of food… or had an hour wait. Hungry and disappointed we started to search for the jocotes. Yes… search. You’d think at a jocote festival it’d be more obvious where the jocotes are but it was not the case. We finally found some but they were more expensive than the jocotes at the market we pass multiple times a week in San Salvador. We searched for the other jocote food only to discover that there wasn’t any. After standing in line for 15 minutes and paying 10 cents to use the smelly bathrooms we found a place that had pupusas… or at least that’s what they called them. After praying extra hard that they wouldn't do a number on my stomach we ate the pupusas. (Which thankfully God granted.) Then we took a picture and left, glad that we hadn’t paid the extra 60 cents for parking.

Although the jocote festival was a bit of a failure, and not much of a festival, it was a fun trip nonetheless. Mainly redeemed by the view from the park, which was beautiful.

Be Still and Know

2010-09-30T12:39:00.001-07:00

Something that God has been teaching me since coming to El Salvador is that I need to let go of the need to achieve. The pace of life in El Salvador is much slower. You live each day to survive and enjoy life. Schedules, if they even exist, are never booked every minute of the day. There’s time to slow down, to relax. It’s resulted in me having very little to do my first week here. In addition to a few ministry opportunities, I’ve had a lot of time to simply sit, read, watch some TV, and be with my host family. Sure it sounds nice, but coming from a culture like ours, it was a struggle. American culture is an achieving culture. I wasn’t achieving anything. I was useless. I’d flown thousands of miles, given up relationships, jobs, ministry, etc. to sit.

What I began to realize is that I take that same need to achieve into my walk with God; that as a Christ follower, I need to reach as many people for God’s Kingdom as possible. It’s the perspective that the more lives we reach the more glory we bring to God. While that’s true, it’s only half the puzzle.

What if we bring God just as much glory in solitude? I’m not saying that we shouldn’t reach out. I firmly believe that God has called us to do that and that it’s an essential part of our walk with Him, but our purpose is bigger than that. If I were the only person left on earth and my purpose is solely to reach others, suddenly I’d have no purpose. But if my purpose is simply to glorify God and I can do that in solitude, my life will always have purpose no matter what happens in the world around me.

Our culture is constantly on the run and we tend to get caught up in the whirlwind of ministry losing the ultimate purpose for our lives. We become so focused on others, that we forget the very one to who we’re trying to bring glory. We seem to think that the end of the Kingdom story is somehow dependent on us. How arrogant am I to think that the creator of the universe is somehow dependent on ME? This shouldn’t be a shock because the reality is… the war is won. God wins.

¹ God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.

² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

³ though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah

⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.

⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.

⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

⁷ The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

⁸ Come and see the works of the LORD,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.

⁹ He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields with fire.

¹⁰ "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

¹¹ The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

(Psalm 46)

Right after God tells us, “Be still and know that I am God,” He says, “I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in all the earth.” It’s like He’s telling us, “be still, slow down, it’s ok… I’ve already won.”

So maybe I need to slow down, stop worrying about been “effective” and “achieving” things. And maybe, I need to learn that resting in God, praising God, and being with God, and simply “being still and knowing” is enough. Because reality is, our purpose shouldn’t hinge on what we’re doing, where we are, or whom we’re serving. Our purpose is to glorify God, in ALL circumstances and at ALL times.

Cowboys and Strained Quads

2010-09-28T08:59:00.001-07:00

This past weekend was very relaxing. Saturday I went with Elsa to a Cowboy Night that a youth group she went on a retreat with was hosting. We were supposed to dress up like cowboys. It’s a good thing I decided my cowboy boots were important enough to be one of the few things I could squeeze into my backpack! Had to leave the spurs at home though… they’d never have made it through security. Actually, dressing like a cowboy turned out to be a rather difficult task with the limited wardrobe I have here. I ended up with a red v-neck shirt, grey capris, and flip flops. Luckily, it’s the latest fashion among Salvadoran cowboys.

The church that this group is a part of is actually the mother church of two churches that work with Christ for the City International (CFCI). They have a program set up for high school graduates to come live in San Salvador, study missions, evangelism, and Spanish and work with their youth group. I was able to meet the 8 students there now from the US. They were mostly from Atlanta, GA though so they still talked funny. They were the first white people I’ve seen since being here. Actually, the only ones besides the Mormon brother I saw the other day walking down the street in Altavista where the soccer school is. It was good to be able to talk with them. The pastor used a clip of terrible hits in American football during his talk. That combined with the familiar country music playing made me feel right at home.

Sunday we spent the morning at home. Elsa and I watched a movie that was set in New York in the fall. Seeing fall made me remember that I’m missing my favorite time of year, especially in Madison. No fresh apples or apple sauce, no apple cider or hot chocolate, no jackets or scarves… just a lot of rain and a decent amount of sweating.

Side note: My toilet broke 2 days ago. It just simply stopped filling with water. The dad didn’t know what was wrong with it but he came and looked at it. Well it apparently just miraculously started working again because after that it seemed to work fine. Well the plumber just showed up to fix it. I told them it’s been working but apparently he’s still fixing it… not sure how that works. It’s just one of the many funny things that seem to happen when there is a lack of communication.

Yesterday morning I was met at Elsa’s house by Josué who works with CFCI. He took me by bus to soccer. It took over an hour to get there but eventually we made it. Soccer in the morning started well, but soon my quad started to get worse. During our scrimmage I couldn’t pass the ball without pain. Not an intolerable amount of pain but it was getting worse. It’s hard to pull yourself out of a sport but knowing the consequences of playing with a strained quad I decided it was the best option in the long run. I spent the afternoon with Maltez, one of the coaches, and then during the second session when with Elsa to teach English instead.

Last night was a difficult night. It’s frustrating to feel unable to do what I came here to do. While soccer isn’t the point, it’s the method used for bonding with the youth and it can’t really be done from the sideline. Knowing the timeline for quad strains, it’s possible I could be out of commission for a week or two before it’s fully healed. Maybe God has something else in store for me and I just don’t know yet. It’s hard not knowing how God is going to use me when I feel like I’m not doing much or being effective so far. I’m sure it’ll come with time. And as Seth reminded me last night, God can use the small things we do to have a big impact. I may never see the fruit of my efforts but need to trust that God brought me here and is using me.

Prayer Requests:

Quick healing for my quad.

Continued deepening of my relationship with Elsa.

Determining where it is God wants me and finding my niche in ministry here.

Further developing relationships with the youth.

Continued good health.

That Spanish would continually be easier to understand and speak.

Hola, me llamo Mingo.

2010-09-24T20:37:00.000-07:00

Here is the boat that Susy made me and then taught me how to make. In return I taught her how to make paper balloons.

Kevin better known as Mumu, was having the time of his life with a tennis ball. But I was able to get him to pause just long enough for a picture.

Kevin is 2 and working on learning words. Both Spanish and English. Tonight we were working on colors in Spanish. Apparently he can only see red as everything is "rojo". He also is working on learning my name but it seems to be a bit difficult. We've tried both Nicole and Nikki and have only gotten, Coco, Nikicoco, and my all time favorite, Mingo.

All in all it's been my best day here so far! Really starting to feel more comfortable and connected both at home and soccer. Praise God!

(Not sure videos will work so I'll try again another time.)

Bonding Through The Rain

2010-09-24T19:38:00.000-07:00

Today began when I awoke from a nightmare. I had been driving and as I reached to top of a hill a biker came over in my lane and I hit him… he survived, but there were witnesses who were telling the police officer it was my fault. I’m not sure where this dream came from but I can only imagine part of it is from the crazy driving here. Swerving to miss the 3 foot deep pot holes or a stray dog, slamming on the breaks to avoid hitting a bus that cut you off, and getting stuck in the middle of an intersection where the light is out and everyone is trying to go at once and honking are not infrequent occurrences.

This morning I went to the first soccer session with the younger kids. Two more girls showed up this morning and so it was good to meet them. I felt like I finally started to get comfortable playing but it will still take a little time before I become acclimatized and don’t have sweat drenching me within the first few minutes of jogging. Maltez, one of the coaches walked me to the office after practice where Elsa was. I was able to hold a decent conversation with him in Spanish and he practiced a bit of the English he knows. I’m beginning to pick up a little more everyday (I think). Elsa and I read in the office for a while and then upon going downstairs to the medical clinic and discovering the microwave Elsa thought they had didn’t exist, we walked down the street to buy some food. We got a plate with arroz con pollo y una papa rellena (rice with chicken and a stuffed potato) for $1.60. It was tasty but pray I don’t get sick! The risk is a bit higher eating from places like that. After lunch and a short nap we headed back to the soccer field.

As soon as I sat down to put my “tacos” on it started to drizzle. We moved under the shelter and within 2 minutes it was down pouring. We had the devotional and then the younger group went out to play. The older group was given the day off because they have a game tomorrow morning. I was sitting and talking with Maltez and Elsa when one of the girls called me over. She and the three other girls began explaining that they wanted to play and didn’t care if they got soaked. With little to no convincing, we headed down to the field. Some of the guys started to come mess around with us and eventually it turned into a game. Once the other group had finished we took over the full field and had about 30 kids playing one big game. By this point the rain had slowed significantly. The game was full of laughter, the ball frequently stopping dead in the puddles that covered the field or people sliding all over. It was awesome to see the kids bonding. Unfortunately, in the process of scoring a goal I think I may have slightly strained my quad. You can pray that it heals over the weekend before I play again. Quad strains can easily turn into nagging injuries.

Soaked to the bone Elsa and I headed home. Windows down in the pouring rain to keep the windshield from fogging up because of the broken AC. (A little piece of home actually…haha). Keep El Salvador in your prayers the next few days. The government just issued a yellow state of emergency due to a tropical storm headed this way. I'm personally not in any danger but the poor communities are at great risk for getting washed out in heavy rain. That’s all for now! Got to go so Susy can teach me how to make paper boats!

Because some of you have asked for it...

2010-09-22T21:11:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have requested it and others that may be interested my address is below. Any encouraging words would be greatly appreciated! Miss you all!

Colonia El Refugio, Pasaje Corinto #126

San Salvador, El Salvador, Centro America

Day 1: Mister Donut, Blisters, and PlayDoh

2010-09-22T21:05:00.000-07:00

This morning Elsa and I left the house at 7:30 to go to the first soccer session. This lasted until about 10:30 and then we went to meet with a woman from Compassion International briefly about child sponsorships in a barrio that Elsa teaches English. We ate lunch and hung out at the office for a bit and then went and got donuts from Mister Donut. (Apparently Salvadoreños are crazy for donuts.) Then I had a second soccer session from 1:30 to about 4 while Elsa taught English. All in all a good day but realized that my Spanish is very rusty (especially combined with the rapid and slurred Salvadoran speech). I also still know very little about what I’ll be doing besides playing soccer and helping Elsa with the youth group. I’m pretty exhausted so I’m gonna keep this post short. Here are a few prayer requests:

Continued good health

Developing relationships with the youth, Elsa, and my host family

Beginning to pick up on more Spanish and communicate better

The blisters from my “tacos” (cleats) would heal and not return

That’s all for now!

Prayer and Partnership in Christ

2010-09-21T20:48:00.000-07:00

At 4:45 AM this morning my alarm went off. I rolled out of bed (pretty literally), put in my contacts, and brushed my teeth. I grabbed my 49 lb. backpack, smaller but no less stuffed backpack, and timbuk2 and headed downstairs. I met Seth, who was driving me to the airport in the kitchen. One nectarine later it was time to say goodbye to my parents. Sleepy eyed they stumbled down the stairs to send me off. The real goodbyes had been said the night before along with a time of family prayer. Once I was able to convince my mom to let go, we loaded up the car and were on our way. I fought back the tears as we pulled out and I watched my parents hugging in the drive way and Dakota’s head peeking out the bottom corner of the window in the front door. It’s my last picture of home but an image that I don’t think I’ll ever forget.

The drive to the airport was long and quiet. The silence in part due to the little sleep and early hour, but also in part do to the anticipation of the hardest goodbye yet. We pulled up, parked, grabbed my bags, and headed to the desk to check in. After some confusion about why there was no American Airlines desk, we decided that “American Eagle” was not just a hip clothing store, but also potentially the same as American Airlines. After all, it had the same first word in it. On further observation, Seth pointed out the base of one of their signs, which read “American Airlines.” I held my breath as my bag was weighed, unsure if it was actually less than 50 lbs but it must have been because the man at the desk didn’t say anything. I grabbed my boarding pass and carry-on’s and walked towards security. After passing up a pair of chairs due to fingernails left on the seat, we found another pair in the corner by the escalator leading up to security. Time before I needed to go was quickly winding down. Words again were hard to find. “I’ll miss you” just didn’t seem to do the feelings justice, but when the tears started coming, nothing more needed to be said. After another time of prayer and many more tears, the time came for me to turn my back and just go. After one last glance back at the top of the elevator I took a deep breath and fought back the tears that wanted so badly to come, and got in line at security.

Pulling my timbuck2 off the conveyor belt, the man checking my bag asked if it was mine and then proceeded to ask if it was full of cheese. I wasn’t sure where this idea would have come from besides that it was heavy and I’m a Wisconsin girl. But I assured him it was just books. He opened it up, took out a book or two, finally determined that no, I wasn’t hiding any cheese under all those books and handed it back. He asked where I was going and as he turned to go back to his post he said, “Vaya con Dios.” (Go with God.) I wasn’t sure where that had come from. I had only said El Salvador was my destination and had mentioned nothing about what I would be doing. Maybe it was just a phrase he had learned in Spanish at some point. But I suspect that while searching my bag he had seen my bible. He’ll never know, but it was just what I needed to hear at that moment. Go with God. Follow Him. He’ll guide you and has great plans for you. I sat down at my gate and received a text from Seth saying, ”I’m glad God is already with you!!! Be strong and courageous. Jesus said blessed are those who leave their family for the sake of the gospel.” Another good reminder. Leave your friends and family. They’ll be here when you come back. Then I received another text. This one from my mom, “May God hold you in the palm of His hand.” After all this, it’s evident to me that he already is. He always has. He always will, whether with family and friends or in distant nations where I know no one.

Once on the plane and in the air I read a letter from Seth. As he usually does, which I’m so grateful for, he helped put my trip into perspective. He explained how when the apostle Paul was commissioned by the elders at Antioch to reach the Gentiles they told him to not neglect the widows and the poor. This is what he was eager to do as he set out on his journey. This gave me great comfort. I’m not the first to go. MANY have gone before me, and I won’t be the last. God was with Paul. God is with me. He’s gone before me and prepared the way. He’s with me as I travel and will be with me every minute in El Salvador. I began to think about all the people that will be praying for me. The past two days I’ve had many people pray over me. I know those prayers won’t stop when I’m gone. I don’t doubt I will be covered in prayer every day. This is such a comfort. It makes the world seem a little smaller, a little less intimidating.

I’ve only been gone from home, 5 ½ hours and God is already teaching me. I’m realizing the strength of our partnership in Christ and the role that prayer has in that. Prayer has no bounds. It knits us together even over seas. And our partnership in Christ is a link that cannot be broken. Thus, a random man in airport security, through our mutual connection to the Holy Spirit, can in one phrase, touch my soul. As I go into a country knowing nobody, this gives me encouragement. My friends and family, they’re with me as I go. I can feel the prayers being lifted. And my brothers and sisters in Christ in San Salvador, they’re just that: brothers and sisters. Rooted in Christ, we already have the deepest connection of all.

As I write this, I’m in the Dallas Airport. My journey has only just begun. I haven’t even left the country, and God is already teaching me. Amongst all the sadness of leaving people behind that I care deeply for, this gives me hope. I’m excited to see what God is doing down there that I get to be a part of.

I wrote that during my layover in Dallas. I’ll write more about the rest of the trip later but for now, know that I made it safely to my host home. I’ll jump right in tomorrow with soccer practice at 8 AM. Not sure what that all entails but I guess I’ll figure it out as I go!

Mi Familia Salvadoreña

2010-09-15T15:00:00.000-07:00

This past week has been a difficult one. Emotions running high and a bit all over the place. Moments of sadness followed by laughter. Moments of anxiousness followed by excitement. It’s been hard to truly get excited about the next 3 months with so many unknowns. I’ve been excited for the adventure, but that’s about all I know to be excited about. But as of today I have a family I will be living with. It’s amazing how much that spiked my level of excitement. I have a family there. A family that is eagerly awaiting my arrival. A family that is committed to caring for me and loving me for the next 3 months.

The family I’m staying with isn’t the typical host family. In fact, they’re not Christians except for their daughter Elsa. Elsa grew up in the US with her mom and two siblings. She moved to El Salvador as a missionary with Christ for the City International and has been re-connecting with her dad and his “new family” there. In an email from Elsa to Leah the short term missions coordinator at the base in Omaha, NE she expressed this excitement. “I talked to Pastor Javier and decided that Nikki can live with me and my family. My father and stepmom are very excited about the opportunity. I really pray that this would be a very good experience for all of us and that God would use Nikki to show God’s love to my family. Having Nikki

here will be really great for me (having someone to share life experiences with and talk to) and will be a big blessing to my family in more ways than one.”

I am confident that it is no accident or coincidence that this is the family I’m living with. I feel so blessed to have the privilege to be living in a family that is in need of being shown Christ’s love. It’s just a glimpse of the ways God is going to use me while I’m there and, more than anything, THAT excites me!!! It brings into perspective why I’m going during a time when that is much needed. It’s easy to lose perspective in the midst of all the goodbyes.

Here is a little bit more about the family (as described by Elsa). Jaime (59) is Elsa’s father. He loves soccer, works from home, and has a great sense of humor. He has a big and generous heart and loves to help people as best as he can. He has been married to Bea (36), Elsa’s stepmom, for 8-9 years. Bea is very nice, very loving, and has a big servant heart. She is going to the University for Business Administration to finish her degree. They have two children. Susy is 7 and is in 2^nd grade. Kevin is 2 and goes to preschool.

It’s so amazing to think that this will be my family for the next 3 months. I know they will be such a blessing to me during my time there.

It's Hard to Say Goodbye

2010-09-10T09:40:00.000-07:00

In two weeks I’ll be living with a host family, working in the slums of San Salvador, speaking Spanish, playing soccer, and pouring into the lives of kids. It’s what I’ve dreamed of since high school, and now it’s here. While the excitement and anticipation grow daily, so does the sadness. It’s not a fear. It’s not that I’m not excited about what’s to come. It’s a bitter sweetness. Knowing that life won’t be the same again. Big changes are coming. So as the goodbyes have begun… I’ve realized that it’s not the three-month goodbye that’s hard. It’s the realization that it’s not just a three-month goodbye. Three months in El Salvador yes. But then what? A short stint in Madison for Christmas with family and then I’ll be moving… somewhere. I’ll be leaving the home I’ve known for 23 years. Leaving family and friends. Leaving life as I’ve known it. And that’s hard.

I’m excited for wherever it is I end up. I’m excited to experience life in a new place. I’m excited to get rooted into a new community, to be challenged and grow in new ways, to develop new friendships. But it’s easy to get swept up in that excitement and lose the reality that it takes time to get to a certain depth of relationship. I know I’ll have friends and community wherever I go and that’s comforting. But I also know it won’t be the same depth of friendships as I have in Madison. At least not right away. I’m leaving behind the deep friendships I’ve developed in the past few years. I’m leaving the people who know me. People who know what makes me happy, frustrates me, and hurts me. I’m leaving the people I’ve laughed with, cried with, hurt, and forgiven. It’s a type of friendship that runs deep. That will undoubtedly continue but look very different when it’s not face-to-face. I trust that wherever I go God will place people in my life to fill this role. But also know that as I leave these relationships behind, it’ll be a while before I have the same sense of solid community around me. And THAT is what makes the goodbyes hard.

So as September 21^st approaches I’ve been feeling the extreme tension of being excited for the adventure but dreading the goodbyes that must come first. It’s difficult to get excited when you know the severe ache that you must first endure. Without a doubt, the 11 days will be full of excitement and sadness, laughter and tears. It won’t be easy. But it’s right. And it’s good. And all too soon… it will only be a memory. So despite constantly having to think ahead to prepare, this next week and a half I’m going to try to live in the moment. It’ll be hard and I’ll probably fail repeatedly… but if I don’t I’ll miss out on the little time I have left in Madison.

Who would have thought my life would change from fall to fall

Who would have thought I have found a friend or two after all

Through the darkness, through the sunny days

Through the wind and snow and sun and rain

From the middle of nothing to the center of everything

Here we stand, once again

I wish I could bring you along on this journey

But I got a place in my heart for y’all, and Lord, give me strength

I wish I could be there when you cry and you need somebody

But with the Lord our bond is strong and strong enough to keep us moving on

And though it’s hard to say goodbye we hear the call

Through turns and forks in the road there is a path that brought us all…

Together we stand and we serve and we learn and we earn the right to be heard

Because we know as we go on in life we are changed, not the same, new creation, Amen

I lay my future at the cross along with all my intentions

All my pride all my plans all my selfish ambitions

You met me at the crossroads discerning for the way

And showed its not about tomorrow or the past just today

Is the one I have been given one day closer to see him

A vapor and a mist, dawn to dawn, carpe diem

I pray I never will forget the solid ground I stand upon

A body of believers growing tight but moving on

(Goodbye - Caleb & Sol)

Preparing for the Unknown...

2010-09-02T12:42:00.000-07:00

Just minutes ago I was in the midst of writing Thank You notes to all my supporters when it really hit me. In three weeks I will be in El Salvador. As that sunk in, questions started to flood my mind. What exactly will I be doing? What challenges will I face? Am I ready for this? As I think about preparing, it seems to be a bit of a mystery. How do you prepare for the unknown? It’s a question that I’ve been faced with a lot lately. Not just with El Salvador. Most areas of my life are completely unknown. I know today. I know the next three weeks. The next three weeks are planned. I know the people I’ll be with, the places I’ll be going, the things I’ll be doing. It’s the rhythm of life in Madison that I’ve learned and grown to love. It’s comfortable. But on Tuesday, September 21st I’m boarding a plane. I know the name of the city I’m going to: San Salvador, El Salvador. I know the name of the organization I’ll be working with: Christ for the City International. I know the name of a woman who works there: Elsa Urquilla. I know I’ll be flying back into Madison on December 17th. The rest is a mere shadow of what could be ahead. For the past year people asked me if I’m scared of not knowing what’s ahead. I wasn’t. I trusted. God provided. Would it be normal to be scared of the next 3 months? Would it be normal to be scared of not having a plan once I return? Yes, but I’m not. There’s an overwhelming sense of comfort that overcomes you when you begin to trust and repeatedly see God’s faithfulness shine through. It’s a comfort and peace that have continually been growing in me since a year and a half ago when I began to trust God to reveal the next step in His time. He’s taken me places I never would have dreamed of going, and done things in my life I could never have imagined would happen. If I’ve learned one thing, it’s to trust God to reveal the next step when it’s time, and to be ready to take it, no matter where it leads. So as I get ready to leave and find myself struggling to know how to prepare, maybe that’s ok. And maybe it’s exactly where I need to be. To look ahead and say, “God, I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t know what I’ll be doing or who I’ll meet, but I do know one thing… I’m going. And you’ve prepared the way.” Now it’s time to GO.

Book Review: Forgotten God by Francis Chan

2009-09-15T12:34:00.000-07:00

Francis Chan recently released his book Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit. Francis Chan is senior pastor of Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley, California. He is also the founder of Eternity Bible College and serves on the board of Children's Hunger Fund.

In this book, Chan does a great job of explaining the theology of the Holy Spirit, the importance of a relationship with the indwelling Spirit and finally the daily surrendering of our own desires to the action of the Holy Spirit. The book is saturated with biblical references about the Holy Spirit to back up his claims. At the same time, it is short and easy to read with stories from his life and others’. By the end of this book you will be facing one of the most important questions of your life: Are you willing to surrender your life to the Holy Spirit? This book is a call to change the way you think, move, and breathe, allowing the Spirit to permeate every area of your life. We are called to suffer with Christ. As the Holy Spirit guides us he asks us to risk our lives taking us to the edge of trust, that the glory of God might be revealed.

“And like our Savior who poured out His life and blood so we have reason to rejoice, we were made to lay down our lives and give until it hurts. We are most alive when we are loving and actively giving of ourselves because we were made to do these things. It is when we live like this that the Spirit of God moves and acts in and through us in ways that on our own we are not capable of. This is our purpose for living. This is our hope. ‘And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us’ (Rom. 5:5).” (96)

Responding to the Global Food Crisis

2009-04-14T13:22:00.000-07:00

Many of you have been gradually finding out about my relatively recent decision to go vegetarian. To avoid the stereotype of being a hippie PETA activist, here is an explanation for my recent lifestyle change.

My sister and brother-in-law made this decision earlier this year. They’ve continually challenged me on the issue (even to the extent of offering me dumpster meat from Trader Joe’s for Christmas dinner). Their reasons for making the change kept haunting me every time I went to stick a piece of meat in my mouth. It wasn’t that I ate an excessive amount of meat, I rarely cooked meat myself and typically when I ate it I was eating dinner out. But I couldn’t seem to shake the issue from my mind. I’ve been praying a lot about the issue as to how to approach this tug at my heart. It became evident that there was only one clear choice. No more meat. Here are the reasons. (I’ve stolen this from my brother-in-laws blog because I’m not sure I could explain it any better. Thanks Dave!)

“[There is a continual rise in the] cost of food throughout the world. Britain has called the crisis a “silent tsunami” that is sweeping across the already impoverished places of the world. An NPR report mentioned that many families in Egypt spend up to one third of their income to buy bread (one of the cheapest foods available - everything else is drastically more expensive than a simple loaf of bread).
All over the world, this is an incredibly serious and deadly issue. It’s estimated that more than 100 million more people (and these types of issues always seem to affect kids more than adults) will start to go hungry because they can’t afford to buy the food necessary to survive. Meanwhile, we (in the West) continue to eat more than our share of the world’s food, largely because our meals are so meat heavy. I came across a blog that had a great post on these issues, and noted some statistics about how demanding on other food resources it is to produce meat . While the post is somewhat dated, I thought these numbers were kind of mind blowing:

~it takes 10-22 pounds of grain and soybeans to produce 1 pound of edible animal flesh.
~it takes 5,000-7,000 gallons of water to produce 1 pound of edible animal flesh.
~Percentage of corn grown in the US eaten by livestock: 80
~Percentage of oats grown in the US eaten by livestock: 95
~Percentage of protein wasted by cycling grain through livestock: 90
~Cattle produce just 100 pounds of flesh protein for every 1580 pounds of plant protein
~One acre of land can produce: 14,000 pounds of sweet corn
~One acre of land can produce: 28,800 pounds of navel oranges
~One acre of land can produce: 40,000 pounds of potatoes
~But one acre of land can only produce: 250 pounds of edible beef
~(one acre of soybeans produces 462,000grams of protein- one person’s protein requirement for over 23 years)”

This was not an easy decision by any means. I will miss my fresh turkey sandwiches at lunch. With spring on the horizon I’m definitely not looking forward to going to cook-outs and having to smell the delicious fragrance of hamburgers and chicken being grilled. But it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

The most difficult part so far has been what to do when other people offer to feed me. I have been hesitant up until recently to even tell people about this change for fear of coming across as a “vegetarian bullhorn evangelist.” So here is what I’ve concluded: So long as it’s in my control I will not eat meat. If people offer to cook for me I will tell them I am a vegetarian. However, if I am offered a meal with meat and it would be offensive not to eat it I will gratefully eat the meal. If I’m ever in a situation in which if I don’t eat it, it will be thrown away, I’ll eat it. (As wasting food would directly contradict my entire reason for going vegetarian.)

So there it is. No more meat. I hope that doesn’t make me a freak, but if it does, I guess a freak isn’t a bad thing to be.

Dangerous Wonder

2009-04-14T13:18:00.000-07:00

It was one of those snowfalls you never forget. Millions of white flakes filled the air, quieting the earth and swallowing the sounds. The resulting silence was thick with a texture you could feel.

My nephew stood in the living room at the opening to our deck, a stranger to snow, his two years of life about to be altered irrevocably. His eyes were blank, unaware; his body clueless; his mind about to be overloaded with the electricity of discovery.
In the dark, Mother had maneuvered herself onto the deck’s two feet of snow to capture the event on video. Dad manned the sliding door, which had been unlatched for quick opening into the darkness. Uncle’s hands were poised on the switch to light the deck. And Aunt was ready to lift her nephew into the mysterious new world of twinkling ice and frozen softness.

The moment arrived.

In a perfectly timed instant the deck lights went on, the camera started recording, the sliding door swept open, and a two-year-old was transported form the world he knew to a world he had never seen.

Wonder filled the air.

His eyes stretched wide with astonishment, as though the only way to apprehend what he was seeing was for his eyes to become big enough to contain it all. He stood motionless, paralyzed. It was too much for a two-year-old, too much for an any-year-old (too often, when a person gets older, the person’s “too-much detector” malfunctions, corroded by busyness and technology). He twitched and jerked each time a snowflake landed on his face, feeling it tingle as it was transformed from hostile cold to friendly warmth, caressing his face with tiny droplets of water.

Just behind his large eyes you could see sparks flying from the crosscurrents of millions of electric stimuli overwhelming the circuit breakers of his previously small world. His mind was a confusion of strange, conflicting realities: white, cold, floating, flying, tingling, electric, landing, touching, sparkling, melting – causing an overload so great, so overwhelming, he fell backward – a slow-motion landing in the billowy whiteness, the snow tenderly embracing him. He had given up trying to understand snow and had given in to experiencing snow.

A moment of dangerous wonder.

(Dangerous Wonder - Mike Yaconelli) If you have not read this book yet it should be put at the top of your list!

Art, Worship, and Divine Creation

2008-12-22T19:41:00.000-08:00

Art has always been a significant part of my life, both in admiring the work of others as well as creating my own. Lately, this passion has fallen a bit by the way side due to a lack of sufficient time. However, with the completion of yet another semester of college, this morning I found myself with a little bit of free time. So I decided to paint. I find art to be therapeutic, calming, and freeing. I’ve learned to see it as a form of worship. The mind set free to pray, adore, and praise. But this morning I saw it in a different light.

As I began to paint I was thinking about God as creator of the universe. I was reflecting on all the incredible intricacies of the world when I stumbled upon an unexpected realization… The Lord who created the stars, mountains, and seas, the Lord who paints the most miraculous sunsets, is the same Lord who created me. And beyond that, of all the incredible things his hands have made, he chose man to be created in his image. Imago dei. By simply creating, I was reflecting the image of my Lord, like a small child chugging along with a toy lawn mower imitating his father. We may be far from being able to do the real thing, but by imitating we are saying, “I want to be like you.” What greater form of flattery is there?

Art transcends the physical restraints of this world and is a partaking in the divine process of creation. Melodies and strokes unite to form an image that comes not just from the hand of the creator, and not just the mind, the heart or the soul either; but rather from the uniting of every part of your being. This is in essence, what it means to be alive. And when this is set in perfect rhythm with the heart of God, that is true worship. Worship is not about the song being sung, the sight being gazed upon, or the masterpiece being created. Worship is the uniting of the heart, soul, mind, and strength to imitate the ultimate creator. It’s saying, “I love you, and want to be like you.”

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord

2008-12-22T19:38:00.000-08:00

I recently heard someone pose an interesting question: What would God want for Christmas? As I thought about the question, I couldn’t help but think that what God wants for Christmas isn’t any different than what He wants from us every day of our lives. So maybe, the better question is: What has God’s desire been for humanity since He cast the earth into existence? The Bible is explicitly clear that the Lord yearns for His creation to be redeemed and for us to be reconciled to him. He hungers for us to be able to experience the world as He intended. Life to the full. Life in the Kingdom . . . on earth as it is in Heaven.

Life where. . .
. . . widows and orphans are cared for. (James 1:27)
. . . the hungry are fed. (Isaiah 58:7)
. . . the homeless are given shelter. (Isaiah 58:7)
. . . the naked are clothed. (Isaiah 58:7)
. . . creation is no longer subjected to frustration. (Romans 8:20)
. . . we don’t pass judgment on one another. (Romans 14:13)
. . . we forgive because we have been forgiven. (Matthew 18:21-35)
. . . our citizenship is in Heaven. (Philippians 3:20)
. . . we love our neighbors as ourselves (Mark 12:31)
. . . we love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. (Mark 12:30)

Is this not what is promised with the return of Christ to earth?

Advent is a season of preparation for the coming of Christ, both at incarnation and for the second coming.

From the Latin word adventus, advent means “coming” translated from the Greek word parousia commonly used in reference to the second coming of Christ.

So as we await the coming of our King this Christmas, may this be our prayer:

O Come O come Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the son of God appear

Rejoice, Rejoice, Emmanuel
Shall come to thee o Israel

O come thou dayspring, come and cheer
Our spirits by thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death’s dark shadows put to flight

Rejoice, Rejoice, Emmanuel
Shall come to thee o Israel

Oh come Desire of nations, bind
All peoples in one heart and mind;
Bid envy, strife, and quarrels cease
Fill all the world with heaven’s peace.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel!

But let’s not stop there. As it is written, “You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming.” (2 Peter 3:11-12)

So this Christmas, let’s stop asking how can we get what we want? And start asking how can we give God what He wants? After all, shouldn’t that be the purpose of our lives?

Give Me Your Eyes

2008-12-06T20:41:00.000-08:00

Looked down from a broken sky.
Traced out by the city of lights.
My world from a mile high.
Best seat in the house tonight.
Touch down on the cold black-top.
Hold on for the sudden stop.
Breathe in the familiar shock of confusion and chaos.
All those people going somewhere, why have I never cared.

Give me your eyes for just one second,
Give me your eyes so I can see,
Everything that I keep missing,
Give your love for humanity.
Give me your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.
Give me Your eyes so I can see.

Step out on the busy street.
See a girl and our eyes meet.
Does her best to smile at me.
To hide what's underneath.
There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie.
Too ashamed to tell his wife he's out of work, he's buying time.
All those people going somewhere, why have I never cared.

Give me your eyes for just one second,
Give me your eyes so I can see,
Everything that I keep missing,
Give me your love for humanity.
Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.
Give me Your eyes so I can see.

I've been there a million times.
A couple of million lives.
Just moving past me by, I swear I never thought that I was wrong.
But I wanna second glance so give me a second chance to see the way you've seen the people all along.

Give me your eyes for just one second,
Give me your eyes so I can see,
Everything that I keep missing,
Give me your love for humanity.
Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.
Give me Your eyes so I can see.

Give me your eyes for just one second,
Give me your eyes so I can see,
Everything that I keep missing,
Give me Your love for humanity
Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.
Give me Your eyes so I can see.

(Give Me Your Eyes - Brandon Heath)

This should be the prayer of each of our souls...

Where Does Your Identity Lay?

2008-11-17T20:11:00.000-08:00

What would it look like if, as Christians, our identity laid not in our outward appearances, wealth, or worldly successes, but rather, it laid in our oneness with Jesus Christ? After all, “our citizenship is in heaven” (Philippians 3:20). Would the way we view ourselves not be drastically different if we truly believed that God created us in his own image? As it is written, “God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him” (Genesis 1:27). In light of this we are offered a sort of divine confidence in who we are, regardless of what the world tries to tell us. The Bible assures us that “He will take great delight in [us] … he will rejoice over [us] with singing” (Zephania 3:17). God, the creator of the universe, takes joy in YOU. He finds pleasure in your life, even though it is a mere “mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes” (James 4:14). How can something so awe-inspiring not be enough? It is a great tragedy when we are deeply valued by an eternal God and yet still look towards other humans for approval? Day after day we must strive to block out the plethora of lies that bombard us daily and reach to fully grasp the richness found at the heart of this truth.

Now let’s turn the tables for a minute. There is a lot more wrapped up in this truth than simply having confidence in the person God made you despite the lies of the world. Remember, these words were not written just to you. But these same feelings of love extend towards every human life. Whether it be the guy you sit next to in class, the girl working at the coffee shop you go to, the starving child in Africa, the child infected with Malaria in South America, the single mother infected with AIDS in India, the child soldier in Uganda, the terrorist responsible for civilian bombings, Osama Bin Laden, Sadam Hussein … get my drift? Imagine how a genuine belief in this would revolutionize the way we live our lives.

What if we were able to set aside all of the things that cripple our ability to see others the way Christ sees them?

… Would this not be easier if our identity lay solely in Christ?

What if we loved, not expecting anything in return?

… Would this not be easier if we fully understood the depth of God’s love for us?

What if we looked not within ourselves but to God for the ability to love unconditionally?

… Would this not be easier if we recognized our inability to love apart from God?

What if… we loved the world like Christ did?

… Would the world not be a different place?

Is this not what God has called us to do?

Will You Step Out of the Boat?

2008-10-01T17:14:00.000-07:00

This year my church is participating in a movement called “The Advent Conspiracy.” It calls Christ followers to take back the real meaning of Christmas and to not get sucked into the consumerist trap that we all so easily find ourselves in that time of year. While most at least agree with the idea of the movement a few concerns have been expressed. How would this effect the economy? What will it do to my children? Won’t people think I’m crazy? Here are my thoughts to those concerns:

I agree that maybe the advent conspiracy isn’t as black and white as it may seem at first glance. If the nation were to suddenly stop falling into the consumer trap that surrounds Christmas, there would undoubtedly be severe consequences in our economy’s health. However, while the idea of the Advent Conspiracy sweeping the nation over night is appealing, it is not likely to happen. If the idea of the advent conspiracy is beginning to creep into the circles of Christ followers across the nation, the changes will be spread out over years as this idea takes root and Christians begin to respond.

While there is the concern of businesses which may be dependent on Christmas sales, what percentage of spending is from businesses such as these? What percentage of your spending is from these businesses? Maybe it’s not necessary to cut down on the spending from small locally owned shops such as these in order to catch on to the idea of the Advent Conspiracy. Most of the spending comes from large corporations such as Target, Best Buy, etc. While profits sky rocket around Christmas, it would be hard for me to believe that those corporations are dependent on sales during Christmas. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad for them to suffer a little bit? Cut back on production? So as you buy gifts, think about where that money is going. Is it going to a large corporation? Or is it going to support the family that owns the bookstore where you purchased your gifts?

Buying gifts is not in and of itself a bad thing. We are called to give. But who are you giving to? Maybe instead of giving to people who already have abundantly more than they need, you buy for those who don’t. If instead of buying a new jacket for your daughter, you buy a jacket for a young girl without a home and allow your daughter to share in the joy that comes with giving it to her. It is easy to think that children won’t understand that concept but you might be surprised… give it a chance. Don’t use it as an excuse.

In my mom’s post “Yes, But: The Tensions of Advent Conspiracy” she expressed concern about me, her daughter, feeling slighted because of my faith in Jesus. I’m going to take a minute to speak to that because I think it’s a common and yet maybe an unnecessary concern. While your children may be disappointed and not understand it all right away, it is a great teaching opportunity. And as I previously stated, don’t underestimate their understanding and desire to contribute to meeting the needs of the poor. Given the choice, it may surprise you how many of them would choose to give, they simply just don’t know how. They don’t have much of their own to give, but when enabled they discover the joy they receive from it. Is there any age to young to start teaching this? Imagine a generation raised with a passion to give to those in need.

While my parents didn’t spend extravagant amounts of money on us kids at Christmas (for which I am grateful) I never in the least bit felt like I didn’t have enough. Furthermore, while I can’t recall most of the gifts I received, I can recount endless stories of the times we spent together as a family. My Christmas memories are not about the gifts I got. In fact I can barely recall what I received last year. My memories are of bundling up to go cut down a Christmas tree and joking about all the “Charlie Brown” Christmas trees. Listening to the same CD every year while decorating the tree and pulling out all the old homemade ornaments, laughing about the pig ornament or the many ridiculous old Sunday school ornaments that were clearly made in the 80’s and early 90’s. Arguing about whose Jesus got to be in the nativity scene or whose homemade star got to be on top of the tree, only to laugh about it years later. Sitting in the light of advent candles and praying as a family and reading part of the nativity story each week. Going to the Christmas Eve service, followed by a celebration with family friends in the neighborhood. The cold walk home with the crisp night air against my face and the crunching snow with each step, hooting at owls in the trees overhead. Spending the night in my sister’s room and waking up early to play games before heading downstairs. Eating breakfast and lunch together around the dining room table. A walk down to the lake to work off all the food we just ate. Those are the memories I have. Not of presents. Those are the things that will make Christmas special. And those are the things that make God smile.

So, that sounds great and all in theory but people will call me crazy! Yes, they probably will. But since when does a person living a life that is “set-apart” or holy make decisions that look rational to others? Take Simon and Peter for example. In Luke 5 Jesus gives then the best catch anyone has ever seen. The boat is so full of fish that it begins to sink. Jesus then says to them “come follow me.” Peter and Simon then “pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.” They didn’t go sell all the fish first, say goodbye to friends and family, raise enough money to support themselves on their trip, pack up all their belongings and then leave. No, they dropped their nets, and left. Imagine what their friends and family thought! What would you have thought? Then later the disciples find themselves in the middle of a storm in a fishing boat in the ocean. Jesus comes to them walking on water and asks Peter to come to him. He is literally asking Peter to step out of the boat in the middle of the ocean during a violent storm. Would you get out? Peter did. And he walked on the water until he took his eyes of Jesus and saw the storm around him and lost faith. Then he began to sink. Are you willing to get out of the boat? People will call you crazy, they won’t understand, but if you “fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith” He will be faithful. He’ll pull you back up when you start to sink. Francis Chan in his book Crazy Love explains it this way:

Obsessed people are more concerned with obeying God than doing what is expected or fulfilling the status quo. A person who is obsessed with Jesus will do things that don’t always make sense in terms of success or wealth on this earth.

While some of these concerns might be valid, double check yourself when you start to question the Advent Conspiracy movement; are these really the issue? Or are they convenient excuses to not make the changes that will undoubtedly be difficult and alter your way of living?

“God doesn’t call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn’t come through.” (Crazy Love-Francis Chan)

Are you willing to drop your nets?

Will you step out of the boat?

http://www.adventconspiracy.org/

Embracing A Time of Singleness to Become a Woman of God

2008-08-28T21:31:00.000-07:00

“A wife of noble character who can find?... She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31

This passage in proverbs clearly states that we, as women of Christ, are to be respecting our husbands ALL the days of our lives. Not beginning when we meet him. It starts today, it starts now. This means that in all we do, what we watch, listen to, and wear, and our relationships with others, we need to be honoring both God and our future spouses. The following article by Charo and Paul Washer describes how we must be preparing ourselves for our husbands now. And that begins with embracing our singleness. Singleness is a gift from God that is not to be disregarded. It is a time during which we can earnestly seek Him with undivided attention. We can learn to pursue Him with our whole beings day in and day out. It is now that we learn to commune with Him, be with Him, and live with Him. Until we have learned the art of giving everything to God, allowing Him to fill the void we have in our hearts, and be our reason for living, we are not ready to share life with another human being. God asks for ALL of us.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” Mark 12:30

We must learn to be fully devoted to God. We are called to honor and love God above all else, this includes your future spouse. If you are not loving and pursuing God with your whole being now, how do you expect to do this when you are committed to another person? It is something that must be learned while you are single, and it can begin today.

“...Charm is deceptive,
and beauty is fleeting; but
a woman who fears the
Lord is to be praised.”
Proverbs 31

Becoming Esther
by Charo & Paul Washer

Before a girl’s turn came to go in to King Xerxes, she had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women, six months in oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and cosmetics. And this is how she would go to the king....

Esther 2:12-13

I have always been amazed at the kind of preparation that the future queen Esther had to go through before she was able to come before King Xerxes. Would any of us want to go through twelve months of beauty treatments before meeting the man of our dreams? Probably not, but then again, imagine the possibilities. One year set aside for one sole purpose - becoming all you can be for the one you love the most. Precious time to cultivate beauty, to make an investment in education and etiquette, to strengthen virtue, and build character.

The preparation of Esther reminds me of that precious time between the awakening of desire in a young woman’s heart to share her life with a mate and the moment she walks down the aisle. For many, this time of preparation is seen as nothing more than a time of waiting. Single women often see themselves as sitting on the shelf while life passes them by, or as sitting on the bench while others play the game. They do not realize that they are wasting the most important time of their lives, they are robbing themselves of great joy and reward, they are robbing their future husbands of a more virtuous woman, and they are robbing God of a servant through whom He desires to do great things.

As Esther had to be prepared before she could be queen of an entire realm, so the woman must be prepared before she can embark on one of the most important and difficult callings in life - marriage and motherhood. Esther had to learn the ways of the kingdom to which she belonged, she had to learn the manners of court life, the intellectual, emotional and spiritual challenges of high position. To put it simply, Esther had to be transformed from a young lady into a queen before she could wear the title and fulfill the role. In the same way, the single Christian woman must learn the ways of the Kingdom of Heaven before she ever unites with the one that God is preparing for her. She must be prepared intellectually, emotionally and spiritually, not by court attendants in some pagan temple, but by God Himself, His Word, and by other godly women who have been prepared before her.

Singleness is not a waste of time or a sitting on the sidelines, but a time that God has set aside especially for the woman, to make her into what He wants her to be, and to use her in ways that just might be impossible after marriage. Singleness is a time in which a woman is to cultivate the virtues that pertain to being a woman of God, so that she can offer to her future husband and the world something more than just a pretty face.

Remember in your singleness that you are not the only one single, but your future husband is passing through the same stage as you. Would it not be a terrible thing to finally meet the man who is to become your husband only to find out that he has used his singleness to serve God and to prepare himself to be a better husband for you. And yet you did not use the freedom of your singleness to serve the Lord, nor did you take advantage of the training that God offered you? Would it not also be a terrible thing to realize that your husband spent his days as a single man praying daily for your needs and the work of God in your life, while you neither prayed for him, nor responded to the grace of God that was given you as a result of his prayers.

It is a wonderful thing when God blesses a woman with a husband. That special someone who is ‘just perfect’ for her in that he has been carefully and thoughtfully designed by God to be united as one with her. It is such a joy for the woman to look back and remember how God enabled her to wait on Him and that He was faithful to bless. It is still an even greater joy for her to know that her time as a single woman was also a time of seeking God and being faithful to Him and His purpose. That she did not for one moment wish to flee that state, but desired only to trust in God and wait upon His gracious sovereignty.

By no means is it a tragedy to be a single Christian woman, but the way of the world has once again infiltrated Christianity with the false idea that it is. One of the greatest lies is that if you do not ‘have someone’ or are not ‘actively looking’, there is something wrong with you. Another lie is that the single woman should be dating around as though looking for a husband were the same as shopping in a mall. Still another even stronger lie is that the single woman should be giving her affections away indiscriminately so that she may be more ‘experienced’ and know what to do when she finally finds the man of her choice. My dear Christian, it is a lie and an affront to God to say that experience is the best teacher, when in fact it is God who is the best teacher, and though the world’s motto is ‘live and learn,’ the Bible’s advice is ‘learn and live’. You do not need to be experienced, you only need to be knowledgeable of what God has said and obedient to it. You should not be looking for the man of your choice, but should be waiting on the man of God’s choice. And when he comes, it will not be past experiences that will make your marriage work, but past chastity, purity, and godliness. We should hide our faces from the ways and experiences of this wicked world and look upon only those things that God has placed in the path He has prepared for us.

God knows exactly what you need and He even knows the desires of your heart better than you do. God loves surprises. He does not want you to be looking for your husband, He wants to bring him to you, and probably at a time you least expect it. If you disobey this advice, as so many other women before you, and take it upon yourself to look for a mate, you may find someone, but chances are that someone you find will not be the right one.

As women, our nature desires the company and companionship of a man. This is from God and therefore good. But at the same time, we are wrong to think that death will be the result if this need is not fulfilled. Needing another as a companion is not like needing to take your next breath of air. That is, you can survive without companionship, at least until God has done His perfect work in you. Remember the Scripture, ‘God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear’. (I Corinthians 10:13)

I have found that there are two primary reasons why someone ‘desperately’ needs someone else. First of all, it is because they do not know God as they should. Is God not the God of all comfort? Is not Christ the exalted Lord who fills all things everywhere? Then why do we complain about how empty and alone we feel? Could it be that God extends our time of singleness so that we might find our life in Him and learn to be complete in Him? If we seek to be married because we feel that a husband will fill our lives or will in some way make us complete, we will be sorely disappointed in our marriage. No man, no matter how Christ-like could ever take the place of God in our lives, to think such a thing is pure idolatry. If we are not filled by God now and complete in Christ in the present, then not even a marriage made in heaven will be able to change our emptiness.

The second reason for desperately needing someone in our lives is plain selfishness. When we need someone in order to feel loved, or when we need someone so that our feelings of loneliness might dissipate, then we are wanting marriage for all the wrong reasons. Marriage should not be looked upon as an opportunity to have our needs met, but as an opportunity to meet the needs of another. If we have not learned to take our own needs to God, then we will probably overwhelm our husbands with our own needs and be unaware of his. I have known Christian women who spent their days consumed with their own needs and constantly lamenting about why God had not brought someone into their life. But why should God entrust a godly man to a woman that is absorbed in herself and her own needs, and does not use the freedom of her singleness to serve God and prepare herself for His purposes? Such a woman would have little to offer a godly husband!

My dear friend, being single, like being married should be considered a very special and enjoyable time in the providence of God. It should not be considered a mere circumstance or a curse from which one should try desperately to flee. Being single is a time to learn of God and of ourselves, a time to discover who we are in Christ, and to grow in Christlikeness. It is a time to be zealous for good works and involved in ministry to others. Being single has a magic of its own that should be enjoyed in its time because once passed it may not return. There is nothing quite so sad as a woman now married who regrets what she could have been and done with her life while single. All was lost for the sake of hurrying to be married without consideration for the plan or work of God.

Every season in life has a beauty and wonder of its own. My prayer for all single Christian women is that they might enjoy their time in spite of the lies of the world. That they might be demanding and not settle for anything less than the perfect will of God. That they might wait patiently on God who is the giver of every good and perfect gift. That they might be like Esther, using whatever time God deems necessary to make them beautiful on the inside and out.

An article first published in
HeartCry magazine Volume 3, January 1998

Justice

2008-08-08T21:55:00.001-07:00

We sit idly by day after day waiting for God to call us to action. We wait for a sure sign, big flashing neon arrows directing us where to go. But they never come. And so we sit and wait. Meanwhile we waste our lives with pointless entertainment and pollute our minds with the lies on T.V. and in magazines. We’ve become so preoccupied with getting ourselves the newest, biggest, thing that we never even realize how blessed we truly are, forgetting to give the glory where to glory is due. We’ve been so surrounded by the ideas and standards of this world that our entire way of thinking has shifted without us realizing it. Rather than asking God what he wills for us to do, we’ve begun to do what we want and then in retrospect try to fit it into God’s will. No longer are we set apart from the world. We buy, watch, and say the same things, with no concern for the lives that Christ has called us to. We cry when we things don’t go our way or when our material possessions are lost, stolen, or broken. And yet not a tear falls from our eyes when we look at a picture and stare into the eyes of a child soldier or a mother dying of AIDS clutching an infant to her chest. The problem isn’t that we are blind to the injustices of this world; it’s that we choose not to open our eyes. We’ve grown numb to suffering. So stop sitting with your eyes closed and your hands covering your ears waiting for God’s calling. When you are willing, you will realize that God has already called you. It’s time to wake up, make a stand, and GO!

“And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8

I Surrender

2008-07-26T21:35:00.000-07:00

Shake my world and break me,
Humble me with Your mercies.
In You I want my hope to be,
Your truth desperately I seize.

I’m laying down my pride.
I’m letting go my guilt.
Time and again I’ve tried.
May persistence in me be built.

Fill me with compassion,
To see the world the way You do.
On You I focus my attention,
I want to live for You.

I’m giving You my life,

So Spirit take control.
Without You I find strife,
Only You can make me whole.

Break me down and build me in Your nature,
So that I will find myself in Your perfect rapture.
Mold in me a heart that beats in time with Yours,
So that out of it I find Your mercy pours.

Refine and realign me,
Come and set me free.
That every step I make,
Every breath I take,
For You alone alone would be.

Help me make a stand,
LORD I surrender.
I fix my gaze on You,
Let nothing hinder.

Anything not of You,
LORD tear it apart.
And move my feet to dance,
To the rhythm of Your heart.

Christ's Suffering

2008-07-26T21:32:00.000-07:00

Christ, having lived a faultless life, died alone, naked, forsaken by his own father. He faced deceit, rejection, and betrayal by the ones who claimed to love him. He was beaten, tormented, and ridiculed by the very people he came to save. If we are called to be like Christ, should we not expect to share in these same afflictions? It is only through experiencing suffering that we can even begin to comprehend the fullness of the glory and grace of God that were revealed through Christ’s death on the cross. But once the price had been paid, God, being above all and merciful in nature, brought him back out of bondage and gloriously rose him up out of the pit, and placed him on a rock. In this same way, once we have truly died to ourselves, his grace will be made complete in us. And he will gloriously raise us up from that same pit of brokenness, despair, and depravity, placing us on the solid rock of truth that cannot be shaken. That we might not continue to live our own lives, but that Christ would continue to live his life through us.

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

Romans 8:18

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that, you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

James 1:2-4

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”

1 Peter 5:10-11