Be Still and Know

Something that God has been teaching me since coming to El Salvador is that I need to let go of the need to achieve. The pace of life in El Salvador is much slower. You live each day to survive and enjoy life. Schedules, if they even exist, are never booked every minute of the day. There’s time to slow down, to relax. It’s resulted in me having very little to do my first week here. In addition to a few ministry opportunities, I’ve had a lot of time to simply sit, read, watch some TV, and be with my host family. Sure it sounds nice, but coming from a culture like ours, it was a struggle. American culture is an achieving culture. I wasn’t achieving anything. I was useless. I’d flown thousands of miles, given up relationships, jobs, ministry, etc. to sit.

What I began to realize is that I take that same need to achieve into my walk with God; that as a Christ follower, I need to reach as many people for God’s Kingdom as possible. It’s the perspective that the more lives we reach the more glory we bring to God. While that’s true, it’s only half the puzzle.

What if we bring God just as much glory in solitude? I’m not saying that we shouldn’t reach out. I firmly believe that God has called us to do that and that it’s an essential part of our walk with Him, but our purpose is bigger than that. If I were the only person left on earth and my purpose is solely to reach others, suddenly I’d have no purpose. But if my purpose is simply to glorify God and I can do that in solitude, my life will always have purpose no matter what happens in the world around me.

Our culture is constantly on the run and we tend to get caught up in the whirlwind of ministry losing the ultimate purpose for our lives. We become so focused on others, that we forget the very one to who we’re trying to bring glory. We seem to think that the end of the Kingdom story is somehow dependent on us. How arrogant am I to think that the creator of the universe is somehow dependent on ME? This shouldn’t be a shock because the reality is… the war is won. God wins.

¹ God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.

² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

³ though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah

⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.

⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.

⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

⁷ The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

⁸ Come and see the works of the LORD,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.

⁹ He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields with fire.

¹⁰ "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

¹¹ The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

(Psalm 46)

Right after God tells us, “Be still and know that I am God,” He says, “I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in all the earth.” It’s like He’s telling us, “be still, slow down, it’s ok… I’ve already won.”

So maybe I need to slow down, stop worrying about been “effective” and “achieving” things. And maybe, I need to learn that resting in God, praising God, and being with God, and simply “being still and knowing” is enough. Because reality is, our purpose shouldn’t hinge on what we’re doing, where we are, or whom we’re serving. Our purpose is to glorify God, in ALL circumstances and at ALL times.

Cowboys and Strained Quads

This past weekend was very relaxing. Saturday I went with Elsa to a Cowboy Night that a youth group she went on a retreat with was hosting. We were supposed to dress up like cowboys. It’s a good thing I decided my cowboy boots were important enough to be one of the few things I could squeeze into my backpack! Had to leave the spurs at home though… they’d never have made it through security. Actually, dressing like a cowboy turned out to be a rather difficult task with the limited wardrobe I have here. I ended up with a red v-neck shirt, grey capris, and flip flops. Luckily, it’s the latest fashion among Salvadoran cowboys.

The church that this group is a part of is actually the mother church of two churches that work with Christ for the City International (CFCI). They have a program set up for high school graduates to come live in San Salvador, study missions, evangelism, and Spanish and work with their youth group. I was able to meet the 8 students there now from the US. They were mostly from Atlanta, GA though so they still talked funny. They were the first white people I’ve seen since being here. Actually, the only ones besides the Mormon brother I saw the other day walking down the street in Altavista where the soccer school is. It was good to be able to talk with them. The pastor used a clip of terrible hits in American football during his talk. That combined with the familiar country music playing made me feel right at home.

Sunday we spent the morning at home. Elsa and I watched a movie that was set in New York in the fall. Seeing fall made me remember that I’m missing my favorite time of year, especially in Madison. No fresh apples or apple sauce, no apple cider or hot chocolate, no jackets or scarves… just a lot of rain and a decent amount of sweating.

Side note: My toilet broke 2 days ago. It just simply stopped filling with water. The dad didn’t know what was wrong with it but he came and looked at it. Well it apparently just miraculously started working again because after that it seemed to work fine. Well the plumber just showed up to fix it. I told them it’s been working but apparently he’s still fixing it… not sure how that works. It’s just one of the many funny things that seem to happen when there is a lack of communication.

Yesterday morning I was met at Elsa’s house by Josué who works with CFCI. He took me by bus to soccer. It took over an hour to get there but eventually we made it. Soccer in the morning started well, but soon my quad started to get worse. During our scrimmage I couldn’t pass the ball without pain. Not an intolerable amount of pain but it was getting worse. It’s hard to pull yourself out of a sport but knowing the consequences of playing with a strained quad I decided it was the best option in the long run. I spent the afternoon with Maltez, one of the coaches, and then during the second session when with Elsa to teach English instead.

Last night was a difficult night. It’s frustrating to feel unable to do what I came here to do. While soccer isn’t the point, it’s the method used for bonding with the youth and it can’t really be done from the sideline. Knowing the timeline for quad strains, it’s possible I could be out of commission for a week or two before it’s fully healed. Maybe God has something else in store for me and I just don’t know yet. It’s hard not knowing how God is going to use me when I feel like I’m not doing much or being effective so far. I’m sure it’ll come with time. And as Seth reminded me last night, God can use the small things we do to have a big impact. I may never see the fruit of my efforts but need to trust that God brought me here and is using me.

Prayer Requests:

Quick healing for my quad.

Continued deepening of my relationship with Elsa.

Determining where it is God wants me and finding my niche in ministry here.

Further developing relationships with the youth.

Continued good health.

That Spanish would continually be easier to understand and speak.

Hola, me llamo Mingo.

Here is the boat that Susy made me and then taught me how to make. In return I taught her how to make paper balloons.

Kevin better known as Mumu, was having the time of his life with a tennis ball. But I was able to get him to pause just long enough for a picture.

Kevin is 2 and working on learning words. Both Spanish and English. Tonight we were working on colors in Spanish. Apparently he can only see red as everything is "rojo". He also is working on learning my name but it seems to be a bit difficult. We've tried both Nicole and Nikki and have only gotten, Coco, Nikicoco, and my all time favorite, Mingo.









All in all it's been my best day here so far! Really starting to feel more comfortable and connected both at home and soccer. Praise God!

(Not sure videos will work so I'll try again another time.)

Bonding Through The Rain

Today began when I awoke from a nightmare. I had been driving and as I reached to top of a hill a biker came over in my lane and I hit him… he survived, but there were witnesses who were telling the police officer it was my fault. I’m not sure where this dream came from but I can only imagine part of it is from the crazy driving here. Swerving to miss the 3 foot deep pot holes or a stray dog, slamming on the breaks to avoid hitting a bus that cut you off, and getting stuck in the middle of an intersection where the light is out and everyone is trying to go at once and honking are not infrequent occurrences.

This morning I went to the first soccer session with the younger kids. Two more girls showed up this morning and so it was good to meet them. I felt like I finally started to get comfortable playing but it will still take a little time before I become acclimatized and don’t have sweat drenching me within the first few minutes of jogging. Maltez, one of the coaches walked me to the office after practice where Elsa was. I was able to hold a decent conversation with him in Spanish and he practiced a bit of the English he knows. I’m beginning to pick up a little more everyday (I think). Elsa and I read in the office for a while and then upon going downstairs to the medical clinic and discovering the microwave Elsa thought they had didn’t exist, we walked down the street to buy some food. We got a plate with arroz con pollo y una papa rellena (rice with chicken and a stuffed potato) for $1.60. It was tasty but pray I don’t get sick! The risk is a bit higher eating from places like that. After lunch and a short nap we headed back to the soccer field.

As soon as I sat down to put my “tacos” on it started to drizzle. We moved under the shelter and within 2 minutes it was down pouring. We had the devotional and then the younger group went out to play. The older group was given the day off because they have a game tomorrow morning. I was sitting and talking with Maltez and Elsa when one of the girls called me over. She and the three other girls began explaining that they wanted to play and didn’t care if they got soaked. With little to no convincing, we headed down to the field. Some of the guys started to come mess around with us and eventually it turned into a game. Once the other group had finished we took over the full field and had about 30 kids playing one big game. By this point the rain had slowed significantly. The game was full of laughter, the ball frequently stopping dead in the puddles that covered the field or people sliding all over. It was awesome to see the kids bonding. Unfortunately, in the process of scoring a goal I think I may have slightly strained my quad. You can pray that it heals over the weekend before I play again. Quad strains can easily turn into nagging injuries.

Soaked to the bone Elsa and I headed home. Windows down in the pouring rain to keep the windshield from fogging up because of the broken AC. (A little piece of home actually…haha). Keep El Salvador in your prayers the next few days. The government just issued a yellow state of emergency due to a tropical storm headed this way. I'm personally not in any danger but the poor communities are at great risk for getting washed out in heavy rain. That’s all for now! Got to go so Susy can teach me how to make paper boats!

Because some of you have asked for it...

For those of you who have requested it and others that may be interested my address is below. Any encouraging words would be greatly appreciated! Miss you all!

Colonia El Refugio, Pasaje Corinto #126

San Salvador, El Salvador, Centro America

Day 1: Mister Donut, Blisters, and PlayDoh

This morning Elsa and I left the house at 7:30 to go to the first soccer session. This lasted until about 10:30 and then we went to meet with a woman from Compassion International briefly about child sponsorships in a barrio that Elsa teaches English. We ate lunch and hung out at the office for a bit and then went and got donuts from Mister Donut. (Apparently Salvadoreños are crazy for donuts.) Then I had a second soccer session from 1:30 to about 4 while Elsa taught English. All in all a good day but realized that my Spanish is very rusty (especially combined with the rapid and slurred Salvadoran speech). I also still know very little about what I’ll be doing besides playing soccer and helping Elsa with the youth group. I’m pretty exhausted so I’m gonna keep this post short. Here are a few prayer requests:

Continued good health

Developing relationships with the youth, Elsa, and my host family

Beginning to pick up on more Spanish and communicate better

The blisters from my “tacos” (cleats) would heal and not return

That’s all for now!

Prayer and Partnership in Christ

At 4:45 AM this morning my alarm went off. I rolled out of bed (pretty literally), put in my contacts, and brushed my teeth. I grabbed my 49 lb. backpack, smaller but no less stuffed backpack, and timbuk2 and headed downstairs. I met Seth, who was driving me to the airport in the kitchen. One nectarine later it was time to say goodbye to my parents. Sleepy eyed they stumbled down the stairs to send me off. The real goodbyes had been said the night before along with a time of family prayer. Once I was able to convince my mom to let go, we loaded up the car and were on our way. I fought back the tears as we pulled out and I watched my parents hugging in the drive way and Dakota’s head peeking out the bottom corner of the window in the front door. It’s my last picture of home but an image that I don’t think I’ll ever forget.

The drive to the airport was long and quiet. The silence in part due to the little sleep and early hour, but also in part do to the anticipation of the hardest goodbye yet. We pulled up, parked, grabbed my bags, and headed to the desk to check in. After some confusion about why there was no American Airlines desk, we decided that “American Eagle” was not just a hip clothing store, but also potentially the same as American Airlines. After all, it had the same first word in it. On further observation, Seth pointed out the base of one of their signs, which read “American Airlines.” I held my breath as my bag was weighed, unsure if it was actually less than 50 lbs but it must have been because the man at the desk didn’t say anything. I grabbed my boarding pass and carry-on’s and walked towards security. After passing up a pair of chairs due to fingernails left on the seat, we found another pair in the corner by the escalator leading up to security. Time before I needed to go was quickly winding down. Words again were hard to find. “I’ll miss you” just didn’t seem to do the feelings justice, but when the tears started coming, nothing more needed to be said. After another time of prayer and many more tears, the time came for me to turn my back and just go. After one last glance back at the top of the elevator I took a deep breath and fought back the tears that wanted so badly to come, and got in line at security.

Pulling my timbuck2 off the conveyor belt, the man checking my bag asked if it was mine and then proceeded to ask if it was full of cheese. I wasn’t sure where this idea would have come from besides that it was heavy and I’m a Wisconsin girl. But I assured him it was just books. He opened it up, took out a book or two, finally determined that no, I wasn’t hiding any cheese under all those books and handed it back. He asked where I was going and as he turned to go back to his post he said, “Vaya con Dios.” (Go with God.) I wasn’t sure where that had come from. I had only said El Salvador was my destination and had mentioned nothing about what I would be doing. Maybe it was just a phrase he had learned in Spanish at some point. But I suspect that while searching my bag he had seen my bible. He’ll never know, but it was just what I needed to hear at that moment. Go with God. Follow Him. He’ll guide you and has great plans for you. I sat down at my gate and received a text from Seth saying, ”I’m glad God is already with you!!! Be strong and courageous. Jesus said blessed are those who leave their family for the sake of the gospel.” Another good reminder. Leave your friends and family. They’ll be here when you come back. Then I received another text. This one from my mom, “May God hold you in the palm of His hand.” After all this, it’s evident to me that he already is. He always has. He always will, whether with family and friends or in distant nations where I know no one.

Once on the plane and in the air I read a letter from Seth. As he usually does, which I’m so grateful for, he helped put my trip into perspective. He explained how when the apostle Paul was commissioned by the elders at Antioch to reach the Gentiles they told him to not neglect the widows and the poor. This is what he was eager to do as he set out on his journey. This gave me great comfort. I’m not the first to go. MANY have gone before me, and I won’t be the last. God was with Paul. God is with me. He’s gone before me and prepared the way. He’s with me as I travel and will be with me every minute in El Salvador. I began to think about all the people that will be praying for me. The past two days I’ve had many people pray over me. I know those prayers won’t stop when I’m gone. I don’t doubt I will be covered in prayer every day. This is such a comfort. It makes the world seem a little smaller, a little less intimidating.

I’ve only been gone from home, 5 ½ hours and God is already teaching me. I’m realizing the strength of our partnership in Christ and the role that prayer has in that. Prayer has no bounds. It knits us together even over seas. And our partnership in Christ is a link that cannot be broken. Thus, a random man in airport security, through our mutual connection to the Holy Spirit, can in one phrase, touch my soul. As I go into a country knowing nobody, this gives me encouragement. My friends and family, they’re with me as I go. I can feel the prayers being lifted. And my brothers and sisters in Christ in San Salvador, they’re just that: brothers and sisters. Rooted in Christ, we already have the deepest connection of all.

As I write this, I’m in the Dallas Airport. My journey has only just begun. I haven’t even left the country, and God is already teaching me. Amongst all the sadness of leaving people behind that I care deeply for, this gives me hope. I’m excited to see what God is doing down there that I get to be a part of.

I wrote that during my layover in Dallas. I’ll write more about the rest of the trip later but for now, know that I made it safely to my host home. I’ll jump right in tomorrow with soccer practice at 8 AM. Not sure what that all entails but I guess I’ll figure it out as I go!

Mi Familia Salvadoreña

This past week has been a difficult one. Emotions running high and a bit all over the place. Moments of sadness followed by laughter. Moments of anxiousness followed by excitement. It’s been hard to truly get excited about the next 3 months with so many unknowns. I’ve been excited for the adventure, but that’s about all I know to be excited about. But as of today I have a family I will be living with. It’s amazing how much that spiked my level of excitement. I have a family there. A family that is eagerly awaiting my arrival. A family that is committed to caring for me and loving me for the next 3 months.

The family I’m staying with isn’t the typical host family. In fact, they’re not Christians except for their daughter Elsa. Elsa grew up in the US with her mom and two siblings. She moved to El Salvador as a missionary with Christ for the City International and has been re-connecting with her dad and his “new family” there. In an email from Elsa to Leah the short term missions coordinator at the base in Omaha, NE she expressed this excitement. “I talked to Pastor Javier and decided that Nikki can live with me and my family. My father and stepmom are very excited about the opportunity. I really pray that this would be a very good experience for all of us and that God would use Nikki to show God’s love to my family. Having Nikki

here will be really great for me (having someone to share life experiences with and talk to) and will be a big blessing to my family in more ways than one.”

I am confident that it is no accident or coincidence that this is the family I’m living with. I feel so blessed to have the privilege to be living in a family that is in need of being shown Christ’s love. It’s just a glimpse of the ways God is going to use me while I’m there and, more than anything, THAT excites me!!! It brings into perspective why I’m going during a time when that is much needed. It’s easy to lose perspective in the midst of all the goodbyes.

Here is a little bit more about the family (as described by Elsa). Jaime (59) is Elsa’s father. He loves soccer, works from home, and has a great sense of humor. He has a big and generous heart and loves to help people as best as he can. He has been married to Bea (36), Elsa’s stepmom, for 8-9 years. Bea is very nice, very loving, and has a big servant heart. She is going to the University for Business Administration to finish her degree. They have two children. Susy is 7 and is in 2^nd grade. Kevin is 2 and goes to preschool.

It’s so amazing to think that this will be my family for the next 3 months. I know they will be such a blessing to me during my time there.

It's Hard to Say Goodbye

In two weeks I’ll be living with a host family, working in the slums of San Salvador, speaking Spanish, playing soccer, and pouring into the lives of kids. It’s what I’ve dreamed of since high school, and now it’s here. While the excitement and anticipation grow daily, so does the sadness. It’s not a fear. It’s not that I’m not excited about what’s to come. It’s a bitter sweetness. Knowing that life won’t be the same again. Big changes are coming. So as the goodbyes have begun… I’ve realized that it’s not the three-month goodbye that’s hard. It’s the realization that it’s not just a three-month goodbye. Three months in El Salvador yes. But then what? A short stint in Madison for Christmas with family and then I’ll be moving… somewhere. I’ll be leaving the home I’ve known for 23 years. Leaving family and friends. Leaving life as I’ve known it. And that’s hard.

I’m excited for wherever it is I end up. I’m excited to experience life in a new place. I’m excited to get rooted into a new community, to be challenged and grow in new ways, to develop new friendships. But it’s easy to get swept up in that excitement and lose the reality that it takes time to get to a certain depth of relationship. I know I’ll have friends and community wherever I go and that’s comforting. But I also know it won’t be the same depth of friendships as I have in Madison. At least not right away. I’m leaving behind the deep friendships I’ve developed in the past few years. I’m leaving the people who know me. People who know what makes me happy, frustrates me, and hurts me. I’m leaving the people I’ve laughed with, cried with, hurt, and forgiven. It’s a type of friendship that runs deep. That will undoubtedly continue but look very different when it’s not face-to-face. I trust that wherever I go God will place people in my life to fill this role. But also know that as I leave these relationships behind, it’ll be a while before I have the same sense of solid community around me. And THAT is what makes the goodbyes hard.

So as September 21^st approaches I’ve been feeling the extreme tension of being excited for the adventure but dreading the goodbyes that must come first. It’s difficult to get excited when you know the severe ache that you must first endure. Without a doubt, the 11 days will be full of excitement and sadness, laughter and tears. It won’t be easy. But it’s right. And it’s good. And all too soon… it will only be a memory. So despite constantly having to think ahead to prepare, this next week and a half I’m going to try to live in the moment. It’ll be hard and I’ll probably fail repeatedly… but if I don’t I’ll miss out on the little time I have left in Madison.

Who would have thought my life would change from fall to fall

Who would have thought I have found a friend or two after all

Through the darkness, through the sunny days

Through the wind and snow and sun and rain

From the middle of nothing to the center of everything

Here we stand, once again

I wish I could bring you along on this journey

But I got a place in my heart for y’all, and Lord, give me strength

I wish I could be there when you cry and you need somebody

But with the Lord our bond is strong and strong enough to keep us moving on

And though it’s hard to say goodbye we hear the call

Through turns and forks in the road there is a path that brought us all…

Together we stand and we serve and we learn and we earn the right to be heard

Because we know as we go on in life we are changed, not the same, new creation, Amen

I lay my future at the cross along with all my intentions

All my pride all my plans all my selfish ambitions

You met me at the crossroads discerning for the way

And showed its not about tomorrow or the past just today

Is the one I have been given one day closer to see him

A vapor and a mist, dawn to dawn, carpe diem

I pray I never will forget the solid ground I stand upon

A body of believers growing tight but moving on

(Goodbye - Caleb & Sol)

Preparing for the Unknown...

Just minutes ago I was in the midst of writing Thank You notes to all my supporters when it really hit me. In three weeks I will be in El Salvador. As that sunk in, questions started to flood my mind. What exactly will I be doing? What challenges will I face? Am I ready for this? As I think about preparing, it seems to be a bit of a mystery. How do you prepare for the unknown? It’s a question that I’ve been faced with a lot lately. Not just with El Salvador. Most areas of my life are completely unknown. I know today. I know the next three weeks. The next three weeks are planned. I know the people I’ll be with, the places I’ll be going, the things I’ll be doing. It’s the rhythm of life in Madison that I’ve learned and grown to love. It’s comfortable. But on Tuesday, September 21st I’m boarding a plane. I know the name of the city I’m going to: San Salvador, El Salvador. I know the name of the organization I’ll be working with: Christ for the City International. I know the name of a woman who works there: Elsa Urquilla. I know I’ll be flying back into Madison on December 17th. The rest is a mere shadow of what could be ahead. For the past year people asked me if I’m scared of not knowing what’s ahead. I wasn’t. I trusted. God provided. Would it be normal to be scared of the next 3 months? Would it be normal to be scared of not having a plan once I return? Yes, but I’m not. There’s an overwhelming sense of comfort that overcomes you when you begin to trust and repeatedly see God’s faithfulness shine through. It’s a comfort and peace that have continually been growing in me since a year and a half ago when I began to trust God to reveal the next step in His time. He’s taken me places I never would have dreamed of going, and done things in my life I could never have imagined would happen. If I’ve learned one thing, it’s to trust God to reveal the next step when it’s time, and to be ready to take it, no matter where it leads. So as I get ready to leave and find myself struggling to know how to prepare, maybe that’s ok. And maybe it’s exactly where I need to be. To look ahead and say, “God, I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t know what I’ll be doing or who I’ll meet, but I do know one thing… I’m going. And you’ve prepared the way.” Now it’s time to GO.