Prayer and Partnership in Christ

At 4:45 AM this morning my alarm went off. I rolled out of bed (pretty literally), put in my contacts, and brushed my teeth. I grabbed my 49 lb. backpack, smaller but no less stuffed backpack, and timbuk2 and headed downstairs. I met Seth, who was driving me to the airport in the kitchen. One nectarine later it was time to say goodbye to my parents. Sleepy eyed they stumbled down the stairs to send me off. The real goodbyes had been said the night before along with a time of family prayer. Once I was able to convince my mom to let go, we loaded up the car and were on our way. I fought back the tears as we pulled out and I watched my parents hugging in the drive way and Dakota’s head peeking out the bottom corner of the window in the front door. It’s my last picture of home but an image that I don’t think I’ll ever forget.

The drive to the airport was long and quiet. The silence in part due to the little sleep and early hour, but also in part do to the anticipation of the hardest goodbye yet. We pulled up, parked, grabbed my bags, and headed to the desk to check in. After some confusion about why there was no American Airlines desk, we decided that “American Eagle” was not just a hip clothing store, but also potentially the same as American Airlines. After all, it had the same first word in it. On further observation, Seth pointed out the base of one of their signs, which read “American Airlines.” I held my breath as my bag was weighed, unsure if it was actually less than 50 lbs but it must have been because the man at the desk didn’t say anything. I grabbed my boarding pass and carry-on’s and walked towards security. After passing up a pair of chairs due to fingernails left on the seat, we found another pair in the corner by the escalator leading up to security. Time before I needed to go was quickly winding down. Words again were hard to find. “I’ll miss you” just didn’t seem to do the feelings justice, but when the tears started coming, nothing more needed to be said. After another time of prayer and many more tears, the time came for me to turn my back and just go. After one last glance back at the top of the elevator I took a deep breath and fought back the tears that wanted so badly to come, and got in line at security.

Pulling my timbuck2 off the conveyor belt, the man checking my bag asked if it was mine and then proceeded to ask if it was full of cheese. I wasn’t sure where this idea would have come from besides that it was heavy and I’m a Wisconsin girl. But I assured him it was just books. He opened it up, took out a book or two, finally determined that no, I wasn’t hiding any cheese under all those books and handed it back. He asked where I was going and as he turned to go back to his post he said, “Vaya con Dios.” (Go with God.) I wasn’t sure where that had come from. I had only said El Salvador was my destination and had mentioned nothing about what I would be doing. Maybe it was just a phrase he had learned in Spanish at some point. But I suspect that while searching my bag he had seen my bible. He’ll never know, but it was just what I needed to hear at that moment. Go with God. Follow Him. He’ll guide you and has great plans for you. I sat down at my gate and received a text from Seth saying, ”I’m glad God is already with you!!! Be strong and courageous. Jesus said blessed are those who leave their family for the sake of the gospel.” Another good reminder. Leave your friends and family. They’ll be here when you come back. Then I received another text. This one from my mom, “May God hold you in the palm of His hand.” After all this, it’s evident to me that he already is. He always has. He always will, whether with family and friends or in distant nations where I know no one.

Once on the plane and in the air I read a letter from Seth. As he usually does, which I’m so grateful for, he helped put my trip into perspective. He explained how when the apostle Paul was commissioned by the elders at Antioch to reach the Gentiles they told him to not neglect the widows and the poor. This is what he was eager to do as he set out on his journey. This gave me great comfort. I’m not the first to go. MANY have gone before me, and I won’t be the last. God was with Paul. God is with me. He’s gone before me and prepared the way. He’s with me as I travel and will be with me every minute in El Salvador. I began to think about all the people that will be praying for me. The past two days I’ve had many people pray over me. I know those prayers won’t stop when I’m gone. I don’t doubt I will be covered in prayer every day. This is such a comfort. It makes the world seem a little smaller, a little less intimidating.

I’ve only been gone from home, 5 ½ hours and God is already teaching me. I’m realizing the strength of our partnership in Christ and the role that prayer has in that. Prayer has no bounds. It knits us together even over seas. And our partnership in Christ is a link that cannot be broken. Thus, a random man in airport security, through our mutual connection to the Holy Spirit, can in one phrase, touch my soul. As I go into a country knowing nobody, this gives me encouragement. My friends and family, they’re with me as I go. I can feel the prayers being lifted. And my brothers and sisters in Christ in San Salvador, they’re just that: brothers and sisters. Rooted in Christ, we already have the deepest connection of all.

As I write this, I’m in the Dallas Airport. My journey has only just begun. I haven’t even left the country, and God is already teaching me. Amongst all the sadness of leaving people behind that I care deeply for, this gives me hope. I’m excited to see what God is doing down there that I get to be a part of.

I wrote that during my layover in Dallas. I’ll write more about the rest of the trip later but for now, know that I made it safely to my host home. I’ll jump right in tomorrow with soccer practice at 8 AM. Not sure what that all entails but I guess I’ll figure it out as I go!

Mi Familia Salvadoreña

This past week has been a difficult one. Emotions running high and a bit all over the place. Moments of sadness followed by laughter. Moments of anxiousness followed by excitement. It’s been hard to truly get excited about the next 3 months with so many unknowns. I’ve been excited for the adventure, but that’s about all I know to be excited about. But as of today I have a family I will be living with. It’s amazing how much that spiked my level of excitement. I have a family there. A family that is eagerly awaiting my arrival. A family that is committed to caring for me and loving me for the next 3 months.

The family I’m staying with isn’t the typical host family. In fact, they’re not Christians except for their daughter Elsa. Elsa grew up in the US with her mom and two siblings. She moved to El Salvador as a missionary with Christ for the City International and has been re-connecting with her dad and his “new family” there. In an email from Elsa to Leah the short term missions coordinator at the base in Omaha, NE she expressed this excitement. “I talked to Pastor Javier and decided that Nikki can live with me and my family. My father and stepmom are very excited about the opportunity. I really pray that this would be a very good experience for all of us and that God would use Nikki to show God’s love to my family. Having Nikki

here will be really great for me (having someone to share life experiences with and talk to) and will be a big blessing to my family in more ways than one.”

I am confident that it is no accident or coincidence that this is the family I’m living with. I feel so blessed to have the privilege to be living in a family that is in need of being shown Christ’s love. It’s just a glimpse of the ways God is going to use me while I’m there and, more than anything, THAT excites me!!! It brings into perspective why I’m going during a time when that is much needed. It’s easy to lose perspective in the midst of all the goodbyes.

Here is a little bit more about the family (as described by Elsa). Jaime (59) is Elsa’s father. He loves soccer, works from home, and has a great sense of humor. He has a big and generous heart and loves to help people as best as he can. He has been married to Bea (36), Elsa’s stepmom, for 8-9 years. Bea is very nice, very loving, and has a big servant heart. She is going to the University for Business Administration to finish her degree. They have two children. Susy is 7 and is in 2^nd grade. Kevin is 2 and goes to preschool.

It’s so amazing to think that this will be my family for the next 3 months. I know they will be such a blessing to me during my time there.

It's Hard to Say Goodbye

In two weeks I’ll be living with a host family, working in the slums of San Salvador, speaking Spanish, playing soccer, and pouring into the lives of kids. It’s what I’ve dreamed of since high school, and now it’s here. While the excitement and anticipation grow daily, so does the sadness. It’s not a fear. It’s not that I’m not excited about what’s to come. It’s a bitter sweetness. Knowing that life won’t be the same again. Big changes are coming. So as the goodbyes have begun… I’ve realized that it’s not the three-month goodbye that’s hard. It’s the realization that it’s not just a three-month goodbye. Three months in El Salvador yes. But then what? A short stint in Madison for Christmas with family and then I’ll be moving… somewhere. I’ll be leaving the home I’ve known for 23 years. Leaving family and friends. Leaving life as I’ve known it. And that’s hard.

I’m excited for wherever it is I end up. I’m excited to experience life in a new place. I’m excited to get rooted into a new community, to be challenged and grow in new ways, to develop new friendships. But it’s easy to get swept up in that excitement and lose the reality that it takes time to get to a certain depth of relationship. I know I’ll have friends and community wherever I go and that’s comforting. But I also know it won’t be the same depth of friendships as I have in Madison. At least not right away. I’m leaving behind the deep friendships I’ve developed in the past few years. I’m leaving the people who know me. People who know what makes me happy, frustrates me, and hurts me. I’m leaving the people I’ve laughed with, cried with, hurt, and forgiven. It’s a type of friendship that runs deep. That will undoubtedly continue but look very different when it’s not face-to-face. I trust that wherever I go God will place people in my life to fill this role. But also know that as I leave these relationships behind, it’ll be a while before I have the same sense of solid community around me. And THAT is what makes the goodbyes hard.

So as September 21^st approaches I’ve been feeling the extreme tension of being excited for the adventure but dreading the goodbyes that must come first. It’s difficult to get excited when you know the severe ache that you must first endure. Without a doubt, the 11 days will be full of excitement and sadness, laughter and tears. It won’t be easy. But it’s right. And it’s good. And all too soon… it will only be a memory. So despite constantly having to think ahead to prepare, this next week and a half I’m going to try to live in the moment. It’ll be hard and I’ll probably fail repeatedly… but if I don’t I’ll miss out on the little time I have left in Madison.

Who would have thought my life would change from fall to fall

Who would have thought I have found a friend or two after all

Through the darkness, through the sunny days

Through the wind and snow and sun and rain

From the middle of nothing to the center of everything

Here we stand, once again

I wish I could bring you along on this journey

But I got a place in my heart for y’all, and Lord, give me strength

I wish I could be there when you cry and you need somebody

But with the Lord our bond is strong and strong enough to keep us moving on

And though it’s hard to say goodbye we hear the call

Through turns and forks in the road there is a path that brought us all…

Together we stand and we serve and we learn and we earn the right to be heard

Because we know as we go on in life we are changed, not the same, new creation, Amen

I lay my future at the cross along with all my intentions

All my pride all my plans all my selfish ambitions

You met me at the crossroads discerning for the way

And showed its not about tomorrow or the past just today

Is the one I have been given one day closer to see him

A vapor and a mist, dawn to dawn, carpe diem

I pray I never will forget the solid ground I stand upon

A body of believers growing tight but moving on

(Goodbye - Caleb & Sol)

Preparing for the Unknown...

Just minutes ago I was in the midst of writing Thank You notes to all my supporters when it really hit me. In three weeks I will be in El Salvador. As that sunk in, questions started to flood my mind. What exactly will I be doing? What challenges will I face? Am I ready for this? As I think about preparing, it seems to be a bit of a mystery. How do you prepare for the unknown? It’s a question that I’ve been faced with a lot lately. Not just with El Salvador. Most areas of my life are completely unknown. I know today. I know the next three weeks. The next three weeks are planned. I know the people I’ll be with, the places I’ll be going, the things I’ll be doing. It’s the rhythm of life in Madison that I’ve learned and grown to love. It’s comfortable. But on Tuesday, September 21st I’m boarding a plane. I know the name of the city I’m going to: San Salvador, El Salvador. I know the name of the organization I’ll be working with: Christ for the City International. I know the name of a woman who works there: Elsa Urquilla. I know I’ll be flying back into Madison on December 17th. The rest is a mere shadow of what could be ahead. For the past year people asked me if I’m scared of not knowing what’s ahead. I wasn’t. I trusted. God provided. Would it be normal to be scared of the next 3 months? Would it be normal to be scared of not having a plan once I return? Yes, but I’m not. There’s an overwhelming sense of comfort that overcomes you when you begin to trust and repeatedly see God’s faithfulness shine through. It’s a comfort and peace that have continually been growing in me since a year and a half ago when I began to trust God to reveal the next step in His time. He’s taken me places I never would have dreamed of going, and done things in my life I could never have imagined would happen. If I’ve learned one thing, it’s to trust God to reveal the next step when it’s time, and to be ready to take it, no matter where it leads. So as I get ready to leave and find myself struggling to know how to prepare, maybe that’s ok. And maybe it’s exactly where I need to be. To look ahead and say, “God, I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t know what I’ll be doing or who I’ll meet, but I do know one thing… I’m going. And you’ve prepared the way.” Now it’s time to GO.

Book Review: Forgotten God by Francis Chan

Francis Chan recently released his book Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit. Francis Chan is senior pastor of Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley, California. He is also the founder of Eternity Bible College and serves on the board of Children's Hunger Fund.

In this book, Chan does a great job of explaining the theology of the Holy Spirit, the importance of a relationship with the indwelling Spirit and finally the daily surrendering of our own desires to the action of the Holy Spirit. The book is saturated with biblical references about the Holy Spirit to back up his claims. At the same time, it is short and easy to read with stories from his life and others’. By the end of this book you will be facing one of the most important questions of your life: Are you willing to surrender your life to the Holy Spirit? This book is a call to change the way you think, move, and breathe, allowing the Spirit to permeate every area of your life. We are called to suffer with Christ. As the Holy Spirit guides us he asks us to risk our lives taking us to the edge of trust, that the glory of God might be revealed.

“And like our Savior who poured out His life and blood so we have reason to rejoice, we were made to lay down our lives and give until it hurts. We are most alive when we are loving and actively giving of ourselves because we were made to do these things. It is when we live like this that the Spirit of God moves and acts in and through us in ways that on our own we are not capable of. This is our purpose for living. This is our hope. ‘And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us’ (Rom. 5:5).” (96)

Responding to the Global Food Crisis

Many of you have been gradually finding out about my relatively recent decision to go vegetarian. To avoid the stereotype of being a hippie PETA activist, here is an explanation for my recent lifestyle change.

My sister and brother-in-law made this decision earlier this year. They’ve continually challenged me on the issue (even to the extent of offering me dumpster meat from Trader Joe’s for Christmas dinner). Their reasons for making the change kept haunting me every time I went to stick a piece of meat in my mouth. It wasn’t that I ate an excessive amount of meat, I rarely cooked meat myself and typically when I ate it I was eating dinner out. But I couldn’t seem to shake the issue from my mind. I’ve been praying a lot about the issue as to how to approach this tug at my heart. It became evident that there was only one clear choice. No more meat. Here are the reasons. (I’ve stolen this from my brother-in-laws blog because I’m not sure I could explain it any better. Thanks Dave!)

“[There is a continual rise in the] cost of food throughout the world. Britain has called the crisis a “silent tsunami” that is sweeping across the already impoverished places of the world. An NPR report mentioned that many families in Egypt spend up to one third of their income to buy bread (one of the cheapest foods available - everything else is drastically more expensive than a simple loaf of bread).
All over the world, this is an incredibly serious and deadly issue. It’s estimated that more than 100 million more people (and these types of issues always seem to affect kids more than adults) will start to go hungry because they can’t afford to buy the food necessary to survive. Meanwhile, we (in the West) continue to eat more than our share of the world’s food, largely because our meals are so meat heavy. I came across a blog that had a great post on these issues, and noted some statistics about how demanding on other food resources it is to produce meat . While the post is somewhat dated, I thought these numbers were kind of mind blowing:

~it takes 10-22 pounds of grain and soybeans to produce 1 pound of edible animal flesh.
~it takes 5,000-7,000 gallons of water to produce 1 pound of edible animal flesh.
~Percentage of corn grown in the US eaten by livestock: 80
~Percentage of oats grown in the US eaten by livestock: 95
~Percentage of protein wasted by cycling grain through livestock: 90
~Cattle produce just 100 pounds of flesh protein for every 1580 pounds of plant protein
~One acre of land can produce: 14,000 pounds of sweet corn
~One acre of land can produce: 28,800 pounds of navel oranges
~One acre of land can produce: 40,000 pounds of potatoes
~But one acre of land can only produce: 250 pounds of edible beef
~(one acre of soybeans produces 462,000grams of protein- one person’s protein requirement for over 23 years)”

This was not an easy decision by any means. I will miss my fresh turkey sandwiches at lunch. With spring on the horizon I’m definitely not looking forward to going to cook-outs and having to smell the delicious fragrance of hamburgers and chicken being grilled. But it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

The most difficult part so far has been what to do when other people offer to feed me. I have been hesitant up until recently to even tell people about this change for fear of coming across as a “vegetarian bullhorn evangelist.” So here is what I’ve concluded: So long as it’s in my control I will not eat meat. If people offer to cook for me I will tell them I am a vegetarian. However, if I am offered a meal with meat and it would be offensive not to eat it I will gratefully eat the meal. If I’m ever in a situation in which if I don’t eat it, it will be thrown away, I’ll eat it. (As wasting food would directly contradict my entire reason for going vegetarian.)

So there it is. No more meat. I hope that doesn’t make me a freak, but if it does, I guess a freak isn’t a bad thing to be.

Dangerous Wonder

It was one of those snowfalls you never forget. Millions of white flakes filled the air, quieting the earth and swallowing the sounds. The resulting silence was thick with a texture you could feel.

My nephew stood in the living room at the opening to our deck, a stranger to snow, his two years of life about to be altered irrevocably. His eyes were blank, unaware; his body clueless; his mind about to be overloaded with the electricity of discovery.
In the dark, Mother had maneuvered herself onto the deck’s two feet of snow to capture the event on video. Dad manned the sliding door, which had been unlatched for quick opening into the darkness. Uncle’s hands were poised on the switch to light the deck. And Aunt was ready to lift her nephew into the mysterious new world of twinkling ice and frozen softness.

The moment arrived.

In a perfectly timed instant the deck lights went on, the camera started recording, the sliding door swept open, and a two-year-old was transported form the world he knew to a world he had never seen.

Wonder filled the air.

His eyes stretched wide with astonishment, as though the only way to apprehend what he was seeing was for his eyes to become big enough to contain it all. He stood motionless, paralyzed. It was too much for a two-year-old, too much for an any-year-old (too often, when a person gets older, the person’s “too-much detector” malfunctions, corroded by busyness and technology). He twitched and jerked each time a snowflake landed on his face, feeling it tingle as it was transformed from hostile cold to friendly warmth, caressing his face with tiny droplets of water.

Just behind his large eyes you could see sparks flying from the crosscurrents of millions of electric stimuli overwhelming the circuit breakers of his previously small world. His mind was a confusion of strange, conflicting realities: white, cold, floating, flying, tingling, electric, landing, touching, sparkling, melting – causing an overload so great, so overwhelming, he fell backward – a slow-motion landing in the billowy whiteness, the snow tenderly embracing him. He had given up trying to understand snow and had given in to experiencing snow.

A moment of dangerous wonder.

(Dangerous Wonder - Mike Yaconelli) If you have not read this book yet it should be put at the top of your list!