Sitting down to write one last blog post while here in El Salvador has proven to be more difficult that I would have expected. Besides the fact that the first time I sat down to write it my vision got all splotchy and was followed by a migraine… it seems that every time I think about what to write my mind goes blank. Maybe it’s because it doesn’t feel real yet. Maybe it’s because there’s so much I could write about. Maybe it’s because there is so much excitement about being home that it’s hard to dwell on the sadness of leaving. But whatever it is, I know I need to overcome it and simply write. So with no plan for what to write, I guess I’ll begin…
This week has been full of goodbyes; goodbyes to my soccer boys and girls, my bible study, other CFCI staff and soon the kids at the community andmy family. It’s sad saying goodbye but what makes it the hardest is the question of, “When are you coming back?” It’s
hard to look them in the face and say I don’t know. But the reality is, I don’t. I know that right now I need to be in CO. Where God takes me after only he knows.
There will be a lot of things and a lot of people that I will miss from here but I think what I’ll miss most, is the ability to go to a community where kids run up to you screaming your name, arms out ready to give you a big hug. The ability to go to a place where it doesn’t matter what you’re wearing, or that your house is made form sheet metal. The ability to play soccer and love on kid, some of whose parents are in gangs. The need here is real. It’s obvious. In your face. There’s no sugarcoating reality because let’s be honest… there’s no sugar to coat it with! But there’s something beautiful about that. It’s something that I’m going to miss.
As I head back to the US I have a lot to look forward to! The next month will be full of friends and family and travel. I can’t wait to spend time with those I haven’t seen in a few months. But I think what I really look forward to is settling into normal life again. Establishing my place somewhere. I’ve been in transition a long time… I’ve poured into many students and kids over the last couple years and then had to leave. I don’t regret it one bit. God did a lot of things in their hearts and mine, but coming and going isn’t easy. I’m ready to invest into a community. Things might change and God may call me somewhere else. If that’s the case I’ll willingly go, but for now…. I’m ready to be a part of a community again. One that desires to grow deeper together in Christ and from that overflow, pour out into the community around us. That’s what gets me excited.
So what’s next? I’m heading out to Boulder, CO. It’s a bit scary to say that, but I know it’s where I need to be right now. Seth and I have been doing the long distance thing for 3 months now. We’ve made it work but it’s had its challenges. Whenever I tell people this they look at me as if I’m crazy. Why would I move somewhere for a guy?! Don’t give up your passions! But the reality is, I’m not. There’s need there too. And there’s lost and hurting students. God has not called me anywhere else right now, and if we’re ever going to know his plan for our future, we simply need to spend more time together. It’s a risk, a scary one at that, but right now, I’ve got nothing to lose. As of right now I have no job and no permanent place to live. The pastor of Calvary has generously offered for me to stay with them until I get things sorted out. So as I head out there in faith, please pray for me. While I’m excited about many things out there, I don’t anticipate it to be an easy move. Pray for community, for a job, a place to live that can truly feel like home, and for Seth and I, for clarity, humility, and grace.
Thank you all so much for supporting me during my time here in El Salvador! It’s hard to believe it’s already drawing to a close. I will continue to post on here from time to time and keep you all updated on my life. While it’s always hard to get started on a blog post, I’ve found it a very rich time of processing and reflection. While most of my posts are simply me rambling about my thoughts and feelings, I hope that you have all been able to gain something from reading it. Thank you! Que Dios te bendiga! (May God bless you!)
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