Celebrating Radical Love

I wrote this last year for a newsletter at Blackhawk about Advent Conspiracy. As it's that time of year again, I thought I'd share it again.

From eggnog and Frosty the Snowman to mistletoe and stockings, the Christmas traditions in our culture are endless. My family was no different. Every Thanksgiving weekend we bundled up and headed out to the Christmas tree farm. After incessant bickering, and at least one unhappy child, we cut down our less-than-perfect five-dollar tree. A week later we decorated the tree, with a soft instrumental version of Silent Night playing in the background – my sister and I argued about whose tin foil star was better and should go on top of the tree.

With the star on the tree it was time to get out the nativity set. Our set contained an extra character – our Middle-eastern Jesus had a Scandinavian twin. My parents had gotten so frustrated with the fighting over Jesus that they bought a second. Unfortunately, that caused us to argue over whose Jesus was in the nativity scene on Christmas morning (which, in the excitement of stockings and presents was always forgotten).

Sound familiar? Christmas can become full of traditions that often cause tension and stress. We’ve turned Jesus’ birth into an excuse to buy more stuff to fulfill our own desires rather than an opportunity to celebrate the significance of His coming to earth. Advent is a time of preparation for the Messiah’s coming. Jesus came to give Himself. He came to establish the Kingdom of God, on earth. Should we not do the same?

Last year Blackhawk participate in the Advent Conspiracy, a grassroots movement involving more than 1,000 churches in 17 countries that believe Christmas can still change the world. Advent Conspiracy invites people to celebrate what Gad has done and is doing by spending less, giving more, worshiping fully, and loving all.

When we learned that Americans spend $450 billion on Christmas every year and that the estimated cost to make clean water available to everyone in the world is 10 $billion, my family didn’t hesitate to participate. We took this challenge seriously. While Christmases full of arguing thankfully ended years ago, there was still a different feel in the air last year. Crammed into my sister’s and brother-in-law’s tiny apartment in Los Angeles we opened our gifts, all homemade. We felt incredible love and gratitude that we felt as we opened the gifts, created with hours of energy and thought. Moreover, knowing that the money we didn’t spend on gifts was providing clean water for people who don’t have access to it gave us inexplicable joy. It was a joy that only comes from actually doing what God has called us to do. It’s what Jesus came to earth to start, and we are called to continue until His Second Coming. Last Christmas, my family played a part in establishing the Kingdom of God through his radical love. That’s cause for celebration. In Mike Erre’s book, Jesus of Suburbia, he summarizes this well:

“Jesus came to do away with the meaningless ritual and empty religion of the day and to call people into relationship with Himself. He came to turn us not into religious people but into joyful and holy people, abandoned to Him so as to do His work on earth. He came to turn us into people who know how to love and celebrate.”

So as we begin the Advent season this year, let’s not be controlled by the cultural traditions and demands of an “American Christmas.” Instead, let’s show the world what Christmas is really about as we share and celebrate Christ’s radical love.

Prayer and Thanksgiving

In honor of Thanksgiving, I decided to take this opportunity to reflect on all that I have to be grateful for. As I began to list all the things I’m thankful for in my head I started to realize that most of what was coming to mind was very self-focused. I’m grateful for my family and friends, my education, my home, the cockroach I just chased under a chair (ok that I could do without). But the point is, while it’s good to be thankful for all of these abundant blessings, I should be giving thanks for the more important things too. I get so caught up in all these little blessings that it’s easy to forget the greatest blessing of all.

Prayer of Thanksgiving (Modeled after Psalm 136)

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.

His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods.

His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the Lord of lords:

His love endures forever.

To the creator of the universe,

His love endures forever.

Who paints the sunsets each night,

His love endures forever.

Who scattered the stars across the sky,

His love endures forever.

And raised the mountains up out of the ocean,

His love endures forever.

To the giver of life and breath,

His love endures forever.

And the sustainer of earth and all that is in it,

His love endures forever.

To him who descended from heaven,

His love endures forever.

And lowered himself taking on human flesh,

His love endures forever.

Who was despised and beaten by men,

His love endures forever.

And rejected by the very ones he came to save,

His love endures forever.

To him who resisted all temptation,

His love endures forever.

And whose name the enemy feared,

His love endures forever.

To him who healed the sick,

His love endures forever.

Who protects the weak,

His love endures forever.

And who delivered the oppressed and needy,

His love endures forever.

To him who bore our shame and guilt,

His love endures forever.

And paid the penalty of the sins of the world,

His love endures forever.

To him who died and was raised, defeating death,

His love endures forever.

To him who brings hope and restoration,

His love endures forever.

To him who welcomes us back into his family,

His love endures forever.

Who never gave up or forgot us,

His love endures forever.

And lifted us up out of our own shame

His love endures forever.

Redeeming us and providing for our ever need.

His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the God of heaven.

His love endures forever.

Praises and Prayer Requests

Praises!

· A house was donated to CFCI in one of the roughest areas of San Salvador. They will be using it as an office and are dreaming of opening an additional medical clinic and a youth center.

· Jeffer’s grandmother came to know Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior the night of his funeral.

· Another missionary has joined us and will be here for 2 years. He hopes to help head up the new youth programming in the new building.

· Three new local missionaries have joined the team here.

· Our relationship with a local church in Altavista has been greatly strengthened over the past 2 months. They have now fully committed to working with the soccer school and CFCI.

· We had a great day away at the beach to celebrate the 3 year anniversary of CFCI in El Salvador, including those from the church in Altavista that is partnering with us.

· More girls have been getting involved at soccer due to a team from another area deciding to join the soccer school.

· Elsa, two of the other guys on staff, and I will be heading to Nicaragua and Costa Rica to learn more about short term missions, their English program, and other projects they have started.

· The youth of the church that Elsa and I attend has committed to join us for a soccer tournament December 11^th on the island. This could be the beginning of a bigger partnership.

· I’ve had the opportunity to attend 2 conferences be missionary groups that have come here and have been greatly blessed my both!

· I’ve had the opportunity to learn a lot about myself and am continually learning more and more what it means to rely on our heavenly Father and find peace and comfort in him.

Prayer Requests

· HEALTH! After struggling with a stomach bug on and off for a few weeks, I’m now fighting a Salvadorean virus. Pray that I would be returned to full health quickly so that I can be back in action for my last month here and for traveling. (Lately I've been feeling a bit like Kevin did on the way home from the zoo...)

· Pray for safe travels next Friday as Elsa and I head to Nicaragua for a one-day conference and then head the rest of the way to Costa Rica. Pray that I wouldn’t be charged extra (beyond the normal extra amount) for being a US citizen.

· Pray for selflessness and a willingness to serve and meet any needs that may arise.

· Pray that I would have eyes to see, ears to listen, and a heart to receive all that God wants to teach me in the next month.

Mid-Missions Crisis

Upon my arrival to El Salvador, I was frequently introduced as a “missionary”. While I recognized that this was true, something about it just didn’t feel quite right. That’s a title I’ve always associated with other people. They are people that seem to have everything together and are willing to give everything up to go serve God around the world. They have deeply spiritual conversations with everyone they come in contact with. They are “on-the-clock” 24/7. I, Nikki Lindroth, certainly am not deserving of such a title. But yet, if being a missionary means you’re living off of support and doing ministry, I guess that describes me. Our definition of missions seems to have gotten a bit complicated. What makes a missionary a missionary? What is the mission field? Do you have to be living off support? Do you have to be living abroad? Do you have to have made great sacrifices?

It may seem silly but this very struggle to understand what missions really is, posed a big problem for me while being here. In fact, I struggled so much with it that I endearingly now refer to this time of confusion as my “mid-missions crisis” and it happened exactly halfway through my time in El Salvador. When I came here, I was suddenly a “missionary” and didn’t even know what that mean. Because of how often we throw around the term missions, mission, mission field, and missionary, I had no idea what was expected of me.

I came to El Salvador with a specific “mission”. While I didn’t know details, I new I’d be working with the soccer school, getting the girls program going, and building relationships with them. Anyone who knew me knew that it seemed like a perfect fit! I had an incredible amount of support and was amazed at how easy it was to get the financial help I needed. But what happens when that mission changes, when it’s not what you thought it would be?

So often missions is reduced to going and serving the poor in God’s name. While this is a significant part of what missions can and should look like, it’s not all it is. Sometimes I wonder what it would look like if the people in the places we go to do missions came to the US to do missions. Because the reality is, we find we are often more blessed by those we go to serve than we are a blessing to them. While being here I’ve had the privilege of being on the other side of missions. It’s a perspective that we don’t often get living in the US. It’s the receiving end of missions. I never would have imagined that coming to El Salvador, I would be ministered to by so many other missionaries. Although I still don’t understand what exactly “missions” is or is not, I have a better understanding of what my time here is about. Missions, or not, I know why God sent me. Last Thursday and Friday, Elsa and I had the opportunity to attend a conference for Baptist pastors and church leaders. It was called Timothy and Barnabas International and was presented by Johnny Hunt and fellow Baptist pastors. In addition to talking through these things with many people back home, it was through one of pastor Jerry Gillis’ messages that I was finally able to work through this struggle. Let me take you on the journey…

The LORD bless you
and keep you;

the LORD make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;

the LORD turn his face toward you
and give you peace.

(Numbers 6:24-26)

In the Jewish culture, the face was very significant. You would pray facing Jerusalem, the temple, or the Holy of Holies. It was a sign of respect. They realized that we are wired to be seeing and that when your face is turned towards something it is life giving. Just as kids need to be seen by their parents (“Look at me daddy!!”), so we need to be seen by our heavenly father. At the beginning of this adventure it was easy to feel God’s face shining on me. He provided so abundantly in so many was to bring me here. But once I arrived that began to change…

After about a month and a half of being here, I began to realize that I wasn’t having a difficult time because I was adjusting, but I was having a difficult time because I was inadequate. I didn’t have the resources, support, language, and skills necessary to do my job well. So suddenly, I had 30+ supporters who were supporting me to do something I felt like I was failing to do. I saw how God was using me in other ways, supporting Elsa, the English program, with Elsa’s family, etc., but that wasn’t my “mission” in coming here. That wasn’t the “mission” my supporters had signed up to support me in. I began to struggle feeling like I wasn’t honoring them because I was doing something different with their money. I felt like I was letting people down. I questioned why God would bring me to a place with such a clear mission that I wasn’t able to fulfill. If I’m honest, I wrestled with feelings of abandonment from God. Not total abandonment. My time spent alone with him was as refreshing and rewarding as it usually it. But when it came to ministry, he had been faithful in bringing me here and providing me with everything I needed to get here but then left me to figure out the rest. It felt as if he had said, “I brought you here safely. You know your mission. Ready? Ok… 1…2…3…GO!” And then walked away saying, “I’ll check back in with you in 3 months to debrief. Until then, we can talk about whatever you want and I’m happy to comfort you but let’s just leave that whole ministry thing out of it.”

And in that day I will become angry with them and forsake them; I will hide my face from them, and they will be destroyed. Many disasters and calamities will come on them, and in that day they will ask, ‘Have not these disasters come on us because our God is not with us?’

(Deuteronomy 31:17)

If God was capable of hiding his face from Israel when they messed up, was it possible that He would do the same to me? That as I came here and realized the extent of my own selfishness and pride that he would get fed up and turn his face from me? Was that why I felt alone?

The truth is, I was inadequate. I am inadequate. We are all inadequate. Eve was deceived and Adam rebelled. I am selfish and prideful. We all live in sin. Just like the nation of Israel, we mess up over and over and over. But just as God was faithful in delivering the nation of Israel, he is faithful in delivering us. As he set about his redemption plan for the nation of Israel, he kept us in mind.

He redeemed us in order that the blessing given to Abraham might come to the Gentiles through Christ Jesus, so that by faith we might receive the promise of the Spirit.

(Galatians 3:14)

God turned his face from his own son so that we might receive His indwelling spirit, and his face would always be turned towards us.

God’s face was never turned away from me. I just needed to trust. He hadn’t abandoned me in ministry, but he was allowing me to struggle so that I would learn and grow. He was preparing me and shaping me for future plans he has for me. Having dreamed of an experience like this since I was young, and having felt like it couldn’t have been more perfect, it was a hard to realize that this isn’t IT. This isn’t what God has been preparing me for. In fact, it’s simply another experience to prepare me for something even greater in the future. And once I realized this, it actually brought more comfort, more excitement. I don’t know what it is he’s preparing me for, but I can only assume, given his track record, that it will be amazing.

This was confirmed for me when I approached Jerry after his message. I wanted to thank him for being so real as he shared through tears about a time in which he had felt as though God’s face was turned from him. As I thanked him and shared with him how my experience was similar I also began to tear up. There’s something powerful in meeting someone and talking with someone who has experienced a struggle that you have felt alone in. As he kept talking he shared with me how that time for him, his earlier years of ministry and being a Christ follower, were less about what God is doing through you, and more about what God is doing in you. Although God undoubtedly uses us during this time, it’s really a time of preparation for the future. Hearing him say this gave me the freedom to really accept this as the reality of my time here. Because, although I had accepted that God was using it to teach me, it felt selfish. People had faithfully entrusted their money to me to do ministry here, and now I was struggling with ministry in order to grow. It changed my perspective on my time here but in that change, it turned the focus off of others, and onto myself; a switch that I wasn’t willing to make. However, hearing him say it made it seem ok. It allowed me to simply sit back and enjoy all that God is teaching and will teach me during my time here. To fully appreciate and absorb all that I am experiencing, guilt free. To realize that my supporters, while they are excited about the ministry I’m doing here, are more invested in me. To realize that they are supporting me, not specifically what I’m doing.

So to you I owe a huge thank you! Thank you for investing in me. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to learn and grow and having faith in what God is doing in me and preparing me for! I’m excited to share this journey with you and am excited to one day, share the final destination. (Or at least share the pit stops along the way.)

A Dark Cold Night...

It’s a cool brisk November evening. As you open the door to your home, the sheet metal feels cold to the touch. You hold the door open for your 5-year-old daughter and 2-year-old son to walk outside ahead of you. As you step out into the community the cool air kisses your cheeks. You glance around; proud of how the new sidewalks and stairs make your community look cleaner. You won’t have to worry about climbing down steep dirt slopes to get to the road but will have nice cement stairs. This will be especially convenient during periods of heavy rain. Your two kids run ahead hand in hand across the open space by the community center that is under construction. You can’t help but smile as you watch them. You follow close behind as they pass the community center. Just as you were about to tell them to be careful, Jeffer, your son lets go of Katy’s hand and runs ahead. Still a little unsteady while walking, as he approaches a big hole left open by the construction workers, he slips and falls. Your stomach drops. He is stopped by the rebar sticking up out of the ground. You grab him and after seeing no blood, begin to run back home, heart pounding. You lay him down on the bed inside and through tears and gasping for breath you try to explain to your husband what happened. You go to pick up your son and notice some blood on his shirt now, as you lift it you notice something poking out of his side were the rebar had pierced him. You run throughout the community searching for somebody who has a car. Finally you arrive at the hospital, but not more than 10 minutes after being there the doctors come to inform you that your son didn’t make it. Completely torn apart by the news of this tragedy you haven’t even given thought to how you’re going to afford a casket, funeral, and burial…

On Friday, November 5^th, this was the experience of a prominent woman in the community of Bendición de Dios where we work with Christ for the City International. I can’t claim to even begin to know the thoughts and feelings that would come with an experience like this. I’m unsure of her faith, but know that during this time, more than any, she needs to know that God is with her and her family. As we heard of this news, Christ for the City moved quickly to surround this family with the support they needed. Enough money was collected to pay for the casket, funeral, and burial. I hadn’t known the family prior to the accident, but had the privilege of being able to go with Elsa to the community the night of the funeral.

Pulling up, we saw the whole community out in front of the community center where the funeral was to take place. As we walked up, Daniel, a little boy in the community looked up at me with big eyes and said, “¡Usted vino!” (You came!) I immediately knew there was a reason for me being there. Not because of anything I would do or say, but just being present said, “You matter, your community matters, you’re not forgotten, you’re not alone.” We continued to the home of the family who had suffered the loss. Wrapping the mother in a deep embrace, in a whisper I assured her of God’s presence with her, “Dios está contigo.” Through tears she cried with uncertainty, “Yo no sé.” Again I assured her, “Sí, está.” Continuing to embrace her she thanked me for being there with her. Stepping outside her house for fresh air, we talked with her and her husband. Quickly joined by other CFCI staff and a local pastor, we continued to encourage them and prayed with them.

The funeral was not what I had anticipated. Maybe it was because of cultural differences. Maybe it was because it was for a 2 year old. Maybe it was the lower economic status, but for whatever reason, there was something different. What struck me most was the strong sense of community combined with a weak sense of communal loss. The whole community was present, wearing their warmest layers, yet still shivering. Many were serving pan dulce y café (sweet bread and coffee). Others were making sure the family had enough to eat and drink. The entire community had come together to surround and serve this family. However, while some friends seemed to be grieving the loss of this little child, that was certainly not the case with most of the community. Children were running around laughing and playing, teenage boys were off to the side playing music on their cell phones, and while most of the community was present for the ceremony, very few tears were shed. Coming from a culture where funerals are for friends and family to grieve alike, this surprised me. Maybe it was that emotions are not shown in public as readily in this culture of toughness. Or maybe in the fight to survive and provide for your family in a place of great need, loss is not felt as strong throughout the community. However, there’s no doubt that this boy was dearly loved and will be greatly missed. His life was short, but certainly had a profound impact on the lives of many in this community.

Prayers for this family would be greatly appreciated. While the initial hit they suffered was great, it was only the beginning of a long time of suffering. Pray for healing, peace, love, comfort, faith, and hope. Pray that God’s glory would be able to shine throughout this community as they feel his grace and abundant blessings in this time. Pray that Satan would have no place here. That all accusations of blame and lies of guilt would be covered and taken away by God’s incredible grace and love.

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted

and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 34:18

November 2nd: Election Day, Day of the Dead.

(Written yesterday but do to a pounding headache and the need for sleep it was not posted until today.)

Today in the United States it was Election Day. Leading up to today, billions of dollars were spent on campaigns. Weeks of “heated discussions,” more commonly known as arguments, created great rifts between friends and family. These strong stands were made about issues that people would generally care to actually DO little about.

But today all of that was put to an end as everyone made their way to the polls to cast their votes. By filling in circles or completing arrows people have shown their devotion to certain issues; the same issues that may have torn apart relationships. But soon everyone will go back to his or her normal life. The issues that today were worth more than friendships, tomorrow will be of significantly less importance. However, the scars that were created as a result of those arguments will remain. So was it worth it? A few years from now the changes that happened as a result of this election, or maybe not even this election but those arguments that caused a significant amount of pain, will they have been worth it?

Today in El Salvador it was Day of the Dead. Flowers in hand, everyone made their way to the graves of loved ones to beautify the tombs of deceased relatives and to pray. Families go to the cemeteries to grieve together.

It’s interesting to think about these two events happening simultaneously. With the focus in El Salvador today being the death of loved ones and the intimacy of family, it makes these arguments seem more futile than ever before. While issues that people are willing to do little about divide American Christian families, Salvadoran families (regardless of religious affiliation) are binding together to lift up loved ones in prayer. It sheds light on a serious pandemic plaguing American Christianity. We seem to have forgotten what it means to be a family. We have been given the best example of what love of a family should look like through Christ’s love for us, and yet somehow, families in El Salvador, many of which haven’t experienced this great love seem to be doing a better job.

By allowing these issues to cause such divisions, we’re placing a higher value on people’s political beliefs, than on their value in Christ. If this is taking place in the intimate setting of individual families, it’s certainly happening within the larger family of Christ where familial ties are less strong (maybe unjustly so, but less strong nonetheless).

While not completely the same, it’s not all that different from what was happening to the early church in Galatia. Romans, Greeks, and Jews all had different worldviews. It was becoming apparent that Jews saw themselves as superior to all other cultures. Paul, seeing this and recognizing that it is the direct result of a flawed understanding of the gospel addresses the issue in his letter to the Galatians.

So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.

You who are trying to be justified by the law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. For through the Spirit we eagerly await by faith the righteousness for which we hope. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

(Galatians 3:26-29 and 5:4-6)

Paul is essentially saying, according to the gospel, no matter what title has been given to you or you’ve given yourself, if you belong to Christ, you are part of the same family, the family of God. He’s declaring that in order to become a Christian you don’t first have to become Jewish. If salvation is to be found in Christ alone, all other allegiances to ethnicities or devotions to certain sets of laws have no bearing anymore. Paul’s letter to the Galatians serves as a warning against the subtle dangers that can ultimately distort the gospel and divide the church.

If Paul were around today, he might feel it necessary to write a similar letter to the American Church. It might look something like this:

So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Republican nor Democrat, neither conservative nor liberal, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.

You who are trying to be justified by taking a specific political stance have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. For through the Spirit we eagerly await by faith the righteousness for which we hope. For in Christ Jesus political allegiances have no value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

That might be a bold statement, but I believe it’s a needed one. Too often, as Christians in America, we are guilty of placing political beliefs and allegiances above our love and devotion to one another as brothers and sisters in Christ. When we do this we are missing the point of the gospel. What I am not saying is that we shouldn’t take part in the political system, we can’t take political stances, or align ourselves with a certain part. What I am saying is that none of that should supersede who we or our brothers and sisters in Christ are. It should not cause divisions within friendships, families, and the church. So as this election season ends, let’s treat the wounds we have caused or suffered, allow time to heal them, and learn to love despite these differences in opinion that in light of the cross are rendered insignificant.